One More Time
by WinterSkys
Summary: Bella has managed to create a happy life owning her own book store in her home town of Forks. But the reappearance of Edward Cullen will dig up the past in a painful way. Will she let the second chance pass her by? Thanks to the wonderful people of Twilight Fan Fiction for the banner! Canon-humor and a little angst.
1. Chapter 1

_ "Cock-a-doodle-doo! Cock-a-doodle-doo!_" Seriously could there be anything more annoying? An alarm on my phone that sounds like a rooster? Problem was, while I didn't sleep much, when I did I slept heavy. And that damn rooster was the only thing that could wake me up. I rolled over and reached my hand out towards my night stand fumbling like a drunk for my phone. Of course I managed to knock it off my stand rather than pick it up. I heard I disheartening sound as it hit the floor. Oh please not another one I thought to myself. I was on phone number 4 so far this year. I was so clumsy it was almost a joke, and unfortunately anything that came in my day to day path was in threat of being destroyed. I sat up in bed and pushed my hair out of my face sighing. Well at least whatever had happened to my phone had shut the damn alarm off. I didn't want to check the damage on it until I had to, and mentally I told myself id have to find time to head to the phone store today, figuring the worst had happened already. Walking past my window I noticed it was going to be another beautiful day in Washington State. Beautiful that is if you like gray and dreary with a constant threat of rain. And I do; now, anyway.

I hadn't always lived here. I was born in Washington, but my parents divorced when I was young, and after the divorce I lived with my mother. We bounced around from state to state for a while. That was until my mother met Phil. They had been settled in Arizona for quite some time now. I liked Phil enough, he was good to mother and he never really tried to pry, which had been just about more than any teenage girl could ask for in a step father. However they had been in the honeymoon phase of their marriage, and it made me a little ill, not to mention embarrassed to be in the same house as them. That was when I had decided to go live with my dad Charlie. Charlie and I had always had a good relationship. I had visited him regularly in the summers and he would come and visit me one a year in whatever city my mom Renee and I happened to be living in at the time. Charlie was the chief of police and he loved his commitment to his small town, so I never blamed him for not coming to visit more than once a year. He had been surprised but thrilled when I called him up and asked if I could come live with him. I explained as best I could in little detail about the situation with mom and Phil, though I may have made a few gagging noises that made Charlie chuckle, and within three weeks time I was packed and off to forks Washington. While I brushed my teeth I chided myself about a trip down memory lane. So not the time swan. I took a long hot shower to relax and get ready for the day and was wrapping my mass of brown hair into a towel when my cell phone rang. It played "girls just wanna have fun" so I knew it was rose. Man I hated that ringer but it was a long standing joke between us and she refused to let me change it. I found my cell under my bed and grimaced when I saw its face. Right now it was displaying a picture of rose and I on a trip we had taken to New Orleans…or at least what we would have looked like covered in spider webs. Shit, I had cracked my screen again. I could only pray it worked. I hit the button to answer and said hello.

"Jesus, could it have taken you any longer?" yelled rose. "Sorry I got lost in the shower. Am I late?" I asked. 'No, that's why I'm calling now. This way I can remind you not be late" she giggled at me. "I'll meet you down at the diner in 15 minutes." I said "we said or goodbyes and hung up. I went back into the bathroom and attempted to tame my tangle of hair. I wasn't pretty but I wasn't plain either. I considered my hair my one good attribute. It was long, very thick and very brown. Sometimes if I got sun it had a slight red tint to it. I just couldn't bear to cut off the one thing that made me feel good, so it had always been exceptionally long. I dressed in record time, in my normal, jeans, t-shirt, and adidas attire and grabbing my purse and a hoodie I headed out the door to meet rose. The drive to the diner only took about 5 minutes, and I rolled the window down in an n attempt to let the wind dry my hair. I nixed that idea after about a minute cause it was still simply too cold to ride with the windows down. The town was still pretty quiet and sleepy since it was still pretty early. I parked next to rose and walked into the diner. I found her seated at our usual table by the window and as I sat down Diane, one of the long time employees of the diner brought over my coffee. "You're an angel, you know that Di?" she smiled indulgently at me, like a grandmother would a grandchild and said "nah, I just know your habits after all this time. You're as predictable as the weather in forks, Bella."

I sighed because I knew this to be true already. What can I say? There's comfort in consistency. Whiles I put my cream and sugar in my coffee, Rose sat quite silent. This was anything but normal. I raised my eyebrows at her questioningly, and she smiled "Anything new for the store today?" She asked. "Eh, I've got a few new releases coming in tomorrow so today I'll be moving things around. You know, making room, setting up the display. That kind of thing." She nodded in understanding. I was the proud, or proud of myself anyway, owner of "The Quiet Corner", the local bookstore here in town. We'd never really had a bookstore before, and most people drove to Port Angeles if they needed books, including myself once upon a time. For me, this was my dream come true; surrounded by books every day. Charlie, my dad, was my silent partner. He had helped me finance the startup. The fact that he had supported my dream meant the world. I popped back into the here and now when I realized Rose hadn't said a single word. Normally shed be prattling on about new clothes coming into the store she worked at, or who wore what on what awards show. But, not a single word. This was exceptionally odd.

"Ok Rose, what's up? You haven't been this quiet in the morning since you had that wardrobe malfunction at that club years it". She sighed slightly and brushed her hair over her shoulders. Leaning forward with her hands in her lap she began. "Ok well, I'm not really sure how you're going to react. Or maybe you won't react at all, which would be very good. But I know you too well to expect that. But I just saw something, which thank god you were running late and didn't have to witness. " I looked at her completely dumbfounded. "Ro, if that was supposed to be an explanation, I am completely clueless. Shell we play charades? First word? How many syllables?" She ran her hands down her face, blew out a big puff of air and looked me in the eye. "He's back." She said, and her tone told me everything. I felt a long forgotten heaviness in my chest, and I blinked a few times while my breathing became shallow. She couldn't possibly mean…"who rose. Who's back?" I asked. She looked down at the table and whispered" Cullen. Edward Cullen is back." And then all I saw was black as the floor tilted up to meet me and I passed out.

As I came to, I could hear Rose talking to me, or maybe it was to herself. I heard her say "flare for the dramatic." And I blinked my eyes open. Slowly things came back into focus. Well, at least the ceiling of the diner, anyway. From what I could tell I was laying prone on my back on the floor of the diner. 'Damn Swan,' I thought to myself. 'Get a grip here'. I looked at Rose and saw her face was a mixture of sadness and concern. She opened her mouth to speak and I held up a finger gesturing for her to just wait a minute. Thankfully, she closed her mouth. She helped me up and I got myself seated back in the booth. After assuring Diane that I was fine I saw Rose begin to speak again. "No." I said. "No. We are not discussing it. "She gave me a stern look. "We are continuing our day as if nothing had changed. Understood?" After a tense moment she nodded and began drinking her tea. Breakfast passed by in mutual silence, each of us lost in our thoughts.

I drove to the shop decidedly numb. I was doing my best to try and forget the conversation with rose and the incident of fainting that followed. Singing along loudly with the radio helped. And yes, Alanis Morrisette, it is a little ironic. I pulled into my space behind the store and put my beaten old civic in park. Sure, I could probably afford a new car, but I loved my little foreign piece of scrap metal. After unlocking the door I stepped inside and took a deep breath. And there was my relief. The smell of hundreds of books assaulted my nose and I was instantly comforted. Walking towards the front of the store I flipped on the music and checked to make sure my coffee was brewing with the alarm I set on it. Humming along and flipping on the lights I took a good look around. I had set the store up like an old fashioned library. Books ran the walls as high as the ceilings would let them. The rolling ladders on racks on each wall. The wood inside was a deep, rich mahogany and it was polished to a high shine. Little chairs and loveseat were scattered here and there. In the far back corner, tucked away, was the children's section. It was by far my favorite. It was set up like an old world fairy tale, complete with a small play castle, a big stuffed dragon, some dress up clothes, and tons of children's books. On Tuesday and Thursday evenings, and Saturday mornings I did story time. I loved story time. Sometimes even Rose would tell the stories on Saturdays, but frankly I think she scares the children. Maternal is not the first word I would apply to rose. For me, children are magic. A special magic that's hard to define.

After I had arranged some things in other places and had set up display for the new vampire book coming out tomorrow…hey whatever makes people read… I was ready to open up. I flipped the sign on the door, twisted the lock and made my way back behind the counter after pouring myself another cup of coffee. I seated myself on the high stool and grabbed my book out of my bag in preparation to wait for customers. My copy of Sense and Sensibility was so beaten it was pathetic, but it was my favorite book. Even for my second copy this one was pretty well worn. I sighed as I ran my hand down the cover, thinking about my original copy. ..

_ I sat at the lunch table by myself reading my book_. I could hear the unmistakable sound of high heels walking past me. Mentally I scoffed. Seriously, who wears high heels to high school….and in forks? As the heels passed I heard a catty voice say "Don't know why the freak insists on being called Bella. That geek is anything but pretty." I heard a few tittered laughs thrown in my direction as they passed. The heels belonged to Lauren Mallory. At least I think that was her name. She was in my second period history class. My first day at Forks High was proving to be absolutely crappy. Apparently I was already being made fun of. I shook it off mentally. New girl in a new school in a very small town. It was exactly as I had expected it to be. I sighed as I set down my book and went to reach for my bottle of ice tea. Somewhere along the way I managed to fling my book on the floor rather than set it down on the table. Classic Bella Swan move. Seriously, you couldn't pay people to be as klutzy as I am. As I reached down for it a hand shot out and picked it up for me. "Thank you" I said quietly without looking up.

"Brandon, or Ferrars?" There was no way for me to describe the voice that had asked the question. To call it melodic was an understatement. It was the kind of voice that made you wonder if you had ever heard anything clearly in your life before that sounds. It seemed to resonate inside my own chest. I still hadn't even bothered to look at its source. "You must prefer one or the other." It asked again. I shook myself out of my reverie to look up only to be stunned into another one. 'Autumn' my brain whispered to me immediately. I was looking at the colors of the most beautiful fall I had ever seen. There before me stood a boy my age. He was definitely much taller than me with a lean build and somewhere in my brain I registered his clothes must be expensive. But I only realized these things after the fact. My eyes couldn't figure out what they wanted to absorb more. It was a tossup between the shock of bronze hair on top of his head which was all over the place, and the piercing greenness of his eyes. They were such an intense color of green and they looked a lot older than his 16 years. I noticed there was a crease between his eyes as his eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. I wanted to touch him there, and smooth out the crease, telling him it was ruining his sculpted face. Wait, confusion? He was looking at me confused? OH! He had asked me a question! Think swan think, what did he ask?

"Fardon" I said quickly. The crease between his eyebrows became more pronounced as he tilted his head at me. I had to be the color of a tomato by now. I cleared my throat and tried to ignore my ears burning. "Sorry, you caught me off guard." He nodded for a second and said "that's alright. You new here?" I laughed a little "that obvious, huh?" "I've pretty much known everyone here since birth so yeah, I think id remember you." I felt myself blushing again. Craps on cream cheese swan get a flipping grip! "Well anyway here you go….?" "Bella" I said "Bella Swan" I said looking down at the table. "Well here you go Bella." He said while setting my withered copy of sense and sensibility down on the table, and then turned and started to walk away. Wait I had never answered his question I realized. I turned in his direction and said loudly "Edward!" He turned around looking a little stunned "What?" he asked. "Ferrars. I like Edward." I explained. And then his face broke out in an expression that glued me to the spot. It was a crooked yet absolutely perfect smile. It made my heart stutter and then pick up double time. "Well fancy that." He said. "Huh?" I asked by way of looking for an explanation. "That's my name too. Edward." And with a wink he turned away and kept walking.

I slammed back into the present with a suffocating feeling. I could feel the panic rising in my chest. I grabbed my book off the counter and shoved it back in my bag with unnecessary force. Apparently I lacked all forms of sense, and sensibility.


	2. Chapter 2

By lunch time my earlier outburst had been as close to forgotten as it was going to get. I had had a steady enough stream of people to keep me busy and was reviewing my inventory in my down time. Jake had come in just after lunch, on his way to the store. "Whatcha doing bella-rina?" he said as he came in the store. "Work, work, work, Jake. Grown up stuff." I laughed. "How are classes going?" Jake was attending the local community college to be a physical therapist. His third attempt might I add. He had a pension for stopping and starting school. One look at Jake and the only thing that came into mind was the word "physical" He was a strong, muscular build, and looked like he could bench press a Buick without breaking a sweat. The girls at school all thought he was cute, with his tanned skin, dark eyes, and jet black hair. We can't all have Indian blood. Some people just caught all the breaks, I thought "Eh they're okay" he said. "I'm pretty sure my math professor is out to get me though." "Jake, there's one professor every semester it seems who is out to get you." I laughed at him. "Have you wondered if maybe it's you?" "Nah, couldn't be. No flaws here." He smiled at me, and I rolled my eyes in response. "What's up Jake? I know you're not here for a book." Now it was his turn to laugh. "My dad asked me to stop by and remind you a Charlie about dinner Friday night. I was in town so I figured, two birds, one stone." "Duly noted" I said "Ill pick Charlie up and bring him along with me so he doesn't forget." "Cool. " he said. He leaned forward on the counter. "Hey," he said. I was almost caught off guard by his tone. I knew what was coming next. But I didn't want to think about it. Just add it to the list of things I was avoiding. "It's getting close." He said. I looked over my shoulder at the calendar and bit my lip. It was less than three weeks away. I felt a small fissure start in my heart and had to blink a few times to stop any impending tears. You would think Id be used to it by now. Jake reached across the counter and wrapped both my hands in his one. "You want me to go with you?" He asked. I shook my head, shying away from the idea of taking someone with me. "No, Jacob but thanks. That's something I do alone." He patted my hand gently, but got a determined look on his face. "One of these days, bells, you're gonna have to let me in." I did my best to smile at him. "I already do, you're one of my best friends." But I knew that's not what he meant. Jake was dead set on the idea of us, together. But I knew I'd never be able to see him that way. He was like my brother. He shook his head at me and leaned across the counter to kiss my cheek. "I'll see ya" he said, and with that he walked slowly out of the store. Jesus, today just sucked.

After I closed up, I called Charlie on my way home. "Hey kiddo how was your day?" He asked. "A little rough, but nothing I couldn't handle." I was gonna swing by the store on my home and I wanted to check and see if you needed anything at your place. "."Nah I'm good baby. Sue is stopping by tonight to make dinner. "I smiled to myself. Sue Clearwater lived down at the reservation where Jake lived. She and Charlie had been doing this dance for quite a while now, but they both vehemently denied they were actually dating. I wasn't going to pry. I was just happy Charlie wasn't alone. After a very short conversation we said our goodbyes. Neither Charlie nor I were talkative people. It's safe to say I inherited it from him. I stopped at the store and grabbed a bag of chips and some coffee creamer. I couldn't remember anything else I needed and I had left my list at home instead of putting it in my purse. At least I knew I could make coffee and have a snack. As I drove home the weight of the day seemed to crash down on me. I poured myself a glass of wine after diner, hoping it would help me sleep. As I turned down the bed and tucked myself in I sighed in resignation. I knew dreams were inevitable tonight.**

_Did he really wink at me?_ I honestly had to have hallucinated that. The next thing I knew the bell had rung and it was time to make my way to my next class. Biology. I stuck close to the walls as I went through the hallway. I stumbled on my entrance into the classroom causing a few people to laugh. After talking to the teacher, he pointed me to a thankfully empty lab table. There were other kids still making their way into the room as I sat down. I was wondering who my lab partner would be when "heels", as I had now aptly named her walked into the room. Well, shit on a stick. Please don't let her be my partner. That was when I noticed him. They had walked in together, smiling at each other and talking. When she looked in my direction her expression abruptly changed. She looked pissed. My brain processed a few things while they walked. First, what was her problem with me? I know I didn't run over her cat on the way to school or something. And more importantly, her? Really? Well duh, my brain said. She was gorgeous. A bitch, yes but still gorgeous. And he was…well I still hadn't found enough words to describe him. But any fool could see they belonged together. I t was the natural order of things. Winners of the genetic lottery always seemed to cross breed. I braced myself as they made their way closer, but surprisingly, Lauren stopped at the lab table two up from mine and set her books down. He however kept walking. Oh shit, this was worse…much worse. He pulled the chair aside me out and turned to smile at me. "We meet again." He said. I was too stunned to talk so I simply nodded my head. Meanwhile I could feel "heels" staring holes into my head. Edward reached over and picked up my book from lunch and began thumbing through it, and after a moment he stopped on a page and read for a moment. Normally, this would bother me. Didn't people know what personal space was? But apparently, this rule did not apply to Edward, I had just found out. Shaking his head he set the book back down and whispered. "I think Willoughby gets a bad rap, don't you? I mean we never really get his whole side of the story." The sheer stupidity of his statement made my head clear enough to respond. "His story is that he's a jerk."I whispered back. He cocked his head to the side in question. "He led Marianne on, and then ditched her for a chick with money so he didn't lose his land and inheritance." I clarified "But aren't we led to believe he really did love her?" He asked. "Does it matter? He deceived the whole family and broke her heart. You're not seriously excusing that are you?" He smiled at me a little and looked like he was trying not to laugh. "No…but it's awfully funny watching you get so mad about a fictional character.", and I couldn't help myself. I smiled too. I looked down at the table trying not to laugh. We sat quietly as possible for the remainder of class but every time I tried to sneak a glance in his direction he seemed to be looking at me. And then once of us would crack a smile, and it became a struggle again not to laugh out loud in class. I wish I could have bottled the feeling of giddiness in my chest at that moment and save it for later. When the bell finally rung, Edward stood up from his seat and began to leave. As he walked in front of our table, he leaned down very close to my ear and whispered. "Have a good day Ms. Dashwood.", and flashed a smile at me. My heart was in my throat at his proximity. "Good day, Mr. Ferrars" I whispered to his turned back. And then he was gone. Looking up I noticed Lauren was staring at me with a look that can only be described as hatred. Well, I had definitely made an enemy. ***

The morning arrived with swiftness. I had tossed a turned all night. Thankfully my brain was only holding on to the highlights and as I brushed my teeth I told myself today was a new day. I knew one day it was possibly I'd have to face him again. Just suck it up and move on.

Thankfully it was Tuesday, so I didn't have to be at the store quite so early. Angela Cheney worked part time for me three days a week. It was the perfect arrangement. It gave me time to do things throughout the week, plus it made some days at the store a little less lonely. For her, it was just enough to get her out of the house to feel like an adult instead of just 'mommy', and gave her a little extra spending money. As a bonus, her sitter usually brought her son Jackson to story time at the store, and that kid was just about as sweet as sweet could be.

As I walked through my house I began to feel a little less groggy. My home was a quaint little two bedroom house I'd had for a few years now, just on the outskirts of town. Though, frankly, the town was so tiny, saying 'outskirts' didn't really mean much. I had flexed my independence from Charlie at a young age and had used my college savings on the down payment for it. College hadn't been an option for me at the time anyway, and all in all I was quite happy with my choice.

I sat down in my living room with my cup of coffee and turned on the news. While the local news wasn't much but upcoming Halloween events in town, at least the national news had a little more to offer of interest.I puttered around the house for a little longer and then snatched my purse and my list for the store off the table and set out to get all the things I had forgot last night. The store was pretty quiet except for a few of the older ladies who always seemed to grocery shop in pairs. I said my 'hellos' as I passed through the produce section.

There are distinct advantages to living alone. Reason one being; you never have to cook unless you are hungry. And then it doesn't matter what time you do it at. For two, if all you wanted to stock you house with was frozen pizza, then by all means, go ahead! Who's going to care? Of course, there's that whole 'being able to walk around your house naked if you want thing' too, but a word of caution? Be sure your blinds are drawn. A lesson I learned the hard way. I still pray that FedEx guy never delivers to my house again.

I had decided on spaghetti for dinner this evening and was rounding the corner for the aisle for the noodles and some Prego when…._oh shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! _MY knees locked into place. My palms began to sweat against the handle of the cart. My heart began to pick up the pace and I could hear the blood rushing through my ears. There he was. He had his back to me, thank the fates, but I would recognize that crazy bronze hair anywhere. He was dressed in a regular short sleeve shirt, and a pair of jeans slung very low on his hips. I almost smiled at the black and white Adidas on his feet, which matched mine, but my brain kicked in to gear.

As quietly as I could manage I lifted my purse out of my cart and backed out of the aisle. I wasn't ready. Not now; not here. Hell, maybe not ever. I stood at the end of the parallel aisle listening to his movements. I'd have to thank my body later for not amping up my klutz factor at an opportune time and allowing me to be ninja-esque. Seriously, standing quietly was the equivalent of being Chuck Norris for me. I shook my head and chided myself. There'd be plenty of time for mental fist pumps later. First I had to get out. I peeked around the corner and saw he had moved on to the next aisle. As slowly as I could manage I made my way down the row towards the exit. I had abandoned all thoughts of grocery shopping. I'd grab something from the drive thru later. Right now, I just had to get out without him seeing me. Once at the end of the row, I saw my escape route was clear, and I bolted for the door. I'm sure Mrs. Johnson, who was standing at the checkout, wondered what was wrong with me. I dashed through the parking lot and managed to only trip twice. I'm glad I had parked at the far side of the lot. Bonus was, the kid who had owned my car before me had tinted the windows. I huddled down in my seat and waited. After a few minutes my heart rate returned to normal. I was about to put my car in drive, until he walked out of the store. It was my first real look at him in years. And he hadn't changed at all. He was talking on his cell phone and whoever was on the other line must have said something funny. His face broke out in a wide grin and I could see his shoulders shake in laughter. I watched as he unlocked his car and set his bags in the back of his Volvo. He shut the door and rested his forearms on the top of the car, completely facing my direction. Since I knew he couldn't see me, thanks to the afore-mentioned windows I took the opportunity to study him. I would pay for this later. I knew it in the pit of my stomach, but I couldn't help myself. I drank in his chiseled jaw and the sculpted cheek bones. The form of his upper body; so lean, but still powerful; graceful. His eyes were hidden behind his designer sunglasses. I was thankful for that. But it didn't matter that I couldn't see them. I could remember his eyes exactly.


	3. Chapter 3

****Author's Note** To anyone reading and reviewing please know that there is no bigger honor for me. To know someone read even one sentence of what I wrote...well that just makes things about perfect. Now on to the story!****

_I exited the class in a fog. _I would never be able to remember what happened in Spanish class that day, or math for that matter. I was mentally exhausted by the time I headed for gym, my last class of the day. I had been replaying those few moments over and over in my brain. I went into the girl's locker room, happy I didn't have to change. I told the gym teacher I didn't know I had to bring a change of clothes, and being new she excused it. Unfortunately, that excuse wouldn't work tomorrow. I did, however have to go to the locker room to stow my belongings for the duration of class. Lauren and her clan, Jessica, and Irina were staring at me as I entered. The expression 'laying in wait' came to mind. Irina flashed a mean grin my way while Lauren advanced towards me. "Listen geek. I don't know what you think you're doing. I would think twice before looking at my boyfriend that way again. Is that clear?" Ahh, I thought to myself. So that's what the dirty looks were about. She was not only stupid, she was also delusional. I knew I presented her no form of competition. So I decided playing dumb back was the best approach. "I don't know what you're talking about." I said quietly. "Whatever. I saw you staring at Edward. Be a good nerd and daydream about someone else's' boyfriend." She snapped. "Sure, whatever you say Lauren." I replied as I closed the locker I had placed my things in. I started to walk away, but she apparently had one more dig for me. "He's nowhere near your league, bitch."She snapped again. I nodded while keeping my back to her. 'Tell me something I don't already know' I thought to myself. With that I walked out of the locker room and into the gym.

I sat on the bleachers while the others played volleyball. I could only imagine the injuries I would incur tomorrow. I tried not to pay attention to the looks I was still receiving from "heels" and her gang, or the giggles that usually followed. I hadn't needed her to say any of those things to me. I already had a finite understanding of social circles, thanks, and I knew that he and I would never collide. But the way he spoke, well it just indicated to me he may be more than his outward appearance, and there's nothing like a good mystery to keep you up at night. I couldn't wait to get home and take a long hot shower and just wash this whole damn day away.

The gym teacher blew the whistle, indicating we could head back to the locker room and I made my way down the bleachers. Very slowly might I add. I did not want to fall all the way down them. I noticed Lauren, Irina, and Jessica seemed to be hanging back and waiting for me to go in before them. That couldn't be good. I entered the girl's door and headed to faux locker I had stowed my stuff in. The first thing I noticed was that, instead of hung up, my purse was now lying on the floor of the locker. I tried to tell myself that maybe it just fell. As I picked it up I realized it was empty. The contents of my purse were strewn on the bottom of the locker. I always kept my purse firmly zipped shut. It hit me that this was deliberate. I looked up and saw Lauren watching me as she got dressed. I squatted down and began picking up my things and putting them back in my purse. A few of my things had been crushed, like they had been stepped on. After that I reached in the top slot where I had put my books. And I just kept reaching. There was nothing there. All of my books were gone. Lauren, now fully clothed, made her way to the exit. On her way past me she shoved her shoulder into me very hard forcing me back against the lockers. She leaned in and said right next to my ear, "just in case I didn't make my point clear earlier. "And she and her friends left the locker room. I breathed a small sigh and began looking around hoping desperately to spot my books lying around somewhere. I realized I wasn't alone when a small girl with long black hair and glasses walked in from the adjoining bathroom and cleared her throat. "Um, Isabella..?" "Bella, just Bella." I replied. I recognized her from my math class. She was quiet like me. I thought her name was Angela, but I couldn't be sure. "Ok, well…I think I found your books." She said quietly. "Oh, please, where?" she nodded. Mt stomach sank as she headed back into the bathroom. Oh no. My school books were on the floor in one of the stalls. They were wet, like they had been run under the water. But that wasn't the book I was worried about. I wanted my favorite book. My mother had bought me that book for my 12th birthday. It was very dear to me. As I approached the stall I noticed something floating in the toilet. There, was my precious Jane Austen novel. I tried to pick it up as gingerly as possible, but it instantly fell apart into clumps. I stifled any tears. I wouldn't give them that satisfaction; not here. There was no way to salvage the book, so with a sinking heart I dropped it into the trash can. Angela was very nice. She even helped me dry off my school books as best as we could with the paper towels in the bathroom. At least they weren't dripping anymore. "Thanks," I told her, "that was really nice of you." I told her while she was washing her hands. She smiled at me and said "you're welcome. I'm sorry it happened. I would probably stay away from them if I were you." I laughed mildly. "Ya think?" And she even laughed. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow." She said with a little wave as she left. I had gotten my things in order and was exiting the gym when a voice stopped me in my tracks. I could hear Lauren. And more importantly I could hear Edward. Shit! I'd have to stay where I was cause I sure didn't wasn't to pass either of them now. And, especially with an arm full of soaking wet books.

Think Bella, Think! I told myself. I stood there quietly mulling any optional exit strategies when I heard Edward raise his voice. "What the hell makes you think that's okay, Lauren?" He thundered. I heard her giggle a little" Oh please, Edward. The poor girl probably thought you were interested! What you did was so much worse! I couldn't let her suffer, so I set her straight." I backed away from the door as they walked past. Once there was dead silence I ran out into the hallway, through the parking lot and dove into my truck. I cried the entire drive home. "Welcome to Forks." I thought to myself bitterly.

I had dreaded going to school the following morning, but I refused to let that bitch think she got the best of me. I walked into school with my head held high. That was until I reached my locker, and saw that my lock was missing from it. "Hot damn, this shit has got to stop. " I muttered to myself. I really didn't want to go running to the principal, but this chick obviously knew no bounds. And again she and I had only had an interaction of a few sentences. I open my locker to find an even bigger surprise. Nothing of mine had been taken. In fact, it had been added to. There was a bag hanging from one of the pegs, and I hesitantly peered inside. There was a small wrapped package. I glanced around the hallway as I pulled it from the bag and began to unwrap it. Worried there was some gag waiting for me around the corner. Once it was unwrapped, I discovered my book. Well, not my original, but another copy of Sense and Sensibility. It was a hardback, where as mine had been paperback, and the cover was beautiful. I flipped it open and stalled when I saw there was an inscription on the inside cover. "For Ms. Dashwood, Sincerely, E.. " You have got to be shitting me I thought. No damn way. This was a joke. Then I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I turned around and looked up at Edward Cullen. Once again temporary shock rendered me speechless, but I gave myself a small pep talk. "Screw this asshole Bella. You're not a joke. Don't let him make you one." I blurted out "Did you do this?" while holding up the book. "Yeah," he said, "Consider it a peace offering for Lauren being a bitch." I laughed in a short burst. "You must buy a shitload of gifts for people then." He stayed silent and I started to walk away, very proud of myself, when I realized he had started laughing. I turned around and looked at him. "What is so funny?" I demanded. "You." He said between laughs "I just wish she had been standing here to hear that. Her face would have been priceless. "Um…okay…now I was confused. "That's not a very nice thing to say about your girlfriend." I pointed out. "Well you started it, for one. And for two she isn't my girlfriend." I frowned. "That wasn't how she made it sound." "Yeah, I'd believe that. But that's not how it is. We date...you know…uh..." he looked down at the floor. "Yeah ok I get it" I said waving my hand to cut him off "No need to explain further. But you might wanna pass that on to her. She apparently didn't get the memo." He laughed again. "I'll make sure she gets it." I handed the book over to him. "Honestly I can't accept this anyway. It's too much." He pushed my outstretched hand back towards me, and again I felt that jolt of electricity that seemed to leap from his skin to mine. "Shut up Swan, just take the damn book." That's fine, I wanted to keep it anyway I thought so I said "Okay.", and placed it back on top of my pile of remaining books. "Bells gonna ring, c'mon, we'd better get to class." He said and started down the hall. I smiled as I watched him go. Then he turned around and looked at me and said "You coming?" Of course, I tripped a little as I started in his direction, and I saw him laugh. "Let's go Stumblina." He said as I reached his side. And I walked off to class, with my…friend….Edward Cullen.

It might have been an hour ago he had pulled out of the parking lot for all I knew. I was staring at the spot his car had been in and lost track of time in my memory. I knew I was being irrational to hope that he would leave town before we crossed paths again. But really, what was I to do? There were so many things to say. How do you prepare yourself for a conversation with someone you hadn't seen in years? I couldn't even figure out how to say 'hello' to him….to the boy who had once been my very best friend.

When I arrived at the store later that afternoon I had forced myself to be in a much better mood. Things were in full swing and Angela was handling them beautifully as always. I looked at the clock and saw I only had a half hour until story time. That's the beauty of being your own employer. No one else told you what time you had to be where. I pulled my book I had chosen for the kids off of the shelf. Today I would be reading Judith Viorst's "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Think my week so far was inspiration for my choice? I checked in with Angela and let her know after story time she was free to go. I had plans to meet Rose for a late dinner tonight. Her shift at her shop didn't end until 8, but I could handle the store for the remaining 4 hours without Angela. Right as we were ending our conversation, Angela's mom walked in with Jackson in tow. He was two years old and just as adorable as they could get. He squealed when he saw his momma and he zoomed over to her at a clumsy pace as soon as Ang's mom had set him down. "Hi Jack" I waved at him. He wiggled sticky fingers at me and said "story now?" I laughed as I tickled him under his chin "Yes little man, story now." Angela set Jack down in the kids section and the other children made their way into the corner as well. I grabbed my book and went over to my stool in the kids section. "What hat should I wear today?" I asked the kids. Every time I read a story, I had to wear my 'story hat'. This was a rule the kids had created a while back. I had to wear a hat of their choice out of the dress up clothes box when I read to them. One little girl said "the princess hat! It's so pretty!" and another little boy said "The wizard hat!" and in the front row I heard Jackson say "rrrrrrrrrr". I leaned towards him. "R, Jackson?" and he nodded and squeezed his face real tight and said "Aaarrrrrrrr!" "Oh, the pirate hat? You want me to wear the pirate hat, Jack?" he clapped his hands and said "Ya, ya! Pi-wrat!" and then other kids soon agreed. I pulled the big pirate captains hat out of the box, which incidentally was there thanks to a misguided Halloween party where Rose went as a female Jack Sparrow, and placed it on my head. The kids became instantly quiet. It was time for the story to begin.

"Okay Jack, I'll see you Thursday." I told him. Jack held up all five of his fingers and said "How ma-me?" I put down three of his fingers, so only two were left up and said "Two days, see?" and I tapped his remaining two and counter "one, two." He smiled very big and said "See you dis ma-me, belly?" And I said "You got it. I'll see you in two days." He gave me a big hug around the neck and I squeezed him tight. "C'mon on jack, time to let Miss Bella work." Angela told him while picking him up and planting a kiss on his chubby cheek. I smiled at the two of them as they left, and waved to Angela's husband Ben, who had arrived to pick them up. The store had cleared out, and I was left by myself. After story time I was usually slow. I grabbed a bottle of water from my mini fridge in the back and was walking back up front when I heard the bell over the door chime. "Coming!" I said as I made my way to the counter. "Holy shit." I heard a soft feminine voice say. Unlike Alexander in the book, my day was only proving to be worse.

There was no way to avoid this. Where one went, the other went, but for some reason I hadn't anticipated her. I turned around and stared straight into the eyes of Edward's twin.

"Hello, Alice." I said.


	4. Chapter 4

Neither of us spoke for a moment. I wasn't sure what to do. Inside I wanted to squeal and hug her and tell her I had missed her terribly everyday she was away. But looking at her reminded me of Edward. I wasn't scared of seeing Alice, only the questions she may ask. She was never given an explanation either. And I didn't know if she'd forgive me. Especially if she ever found out.

"I don't know if I want to hug you or hit you Swan. "She said. I nodded, because I had no idea how to respond to that. Technically she had a right to do either. "Oh, okay, let's quit the shit" she said "I'm not gonna pretend I'm not upset with you but for now get over here and hug me." She smiled, and I smiled back as I made my way towards her. She wrapped her arms around me and I around her and my whole heart swelled with happiness. You never know how much you miss someone till they return after a long time. It shows you how pronounced it was. "I really am mad at you, you know." She said against my shoulder. "Yeah, I know." I replied. "I'm mad at me too. I don't blame you. " "You were supposed to be there. I waited for you to leave. We both did. I didn't want to go without saying good bye but then we were going to miss the plane. I emailed you! I called you! Nothing. Just a long stretch of nothing. I asked Edward if he had heard from you and he said No, but he never wanted to talk to me about it. What did I do Bella?" She had started to become hysterical. This was the conversation I had been avoiding. At least maybe going through it with Alice would give me a dry run for the inevitable. No….no it wouldn't be close. That conversation would be far different. I couldn't imagine him having told Alice the whole story. No, our conversation would be much more difficult. "I don't know how to explain Al. It's an incredibly long story. And not one I'm ready to hash out, if I'm being honest." She held me at arm's length, and I looked her in the eye. "It was never you Alice. You must understand. It was never you. If you leave now and never speak to me again I will understand. But I need you to know that." She nodded at me and said "Okay, enough estranged drama. There's plenty time for that later. Right now, tell me about you. This store is beautiful. You work here?" I puffed up a little with pride as I said "no, I don't work here. Well, technically I do. But its mine. I'm the owner. This is my store." She squeaked a little and said "Yours? You did this? Oh Bella that's fantastic! Why it's your dream! And you pulled it off! Charlie must be so proud of you!' I smiled at her "yeah, I guess he is. How about you?" "Happy to be home . After my final semester was over I took a long trip. Went overseas! I went to Europe, oh Bella it was magic! Such beauty and romance. Just what I needed. I was headed back to mom and dad's and I passed this shop and it looked too quaint not to stop. "I could do nothing but smile at her. "How are your parents?" They're great. Dad's still at the hospital and mom still has her shop up in Pt. Angeles though she works mostly from home now. I had asked both of them about you, but mom said she hadn't heard from you in a long time, and Dad just told me that when you were ready you would find me, whatever that meant." Internally I grimaced. There was a reason I hadn't seen her parents either. Jesus I realized I had been avoiding the entire Cullen family for years. I wondered about her oldest brother. "How's Emmett? " "He's doing well. He got a construction company up in Pt Angeles. That way he's close enough to home. You know how much he loved it here. It works out well because he and mom are able to pass business between each other. "I smiled and nodded. Before I could say anything the bell over the door rang and Rose walked through the door. "Bella Hun, you here? You didn't answer your cell." "Over here Rose. "I called she turned and faced us and caught sight of Alice. "Alice? Alice Cullen, right?" Rose looked back and forth between the both of us. Alice held out her hand and said "Yes, I'm Alice. You are…?" "Rosalie Hale, sorry, I've just heard a lot about you from Bella." Alice beamed at that statement. "You live here?" She asked Rose. "Yeah, my brother and I moved out here from California when we turned 18. We wanted a quiet town." I smiled at Rose. She and her brother had made a happy life for themselves. "Your parents live here?" Alice asked and I saw Rose's eyes cloud over. "No, they don't." She deadpanned. Rose and her brother had headed out on their own as soon as Rose had graduated high school. There was a whole history there. One that Rose only ever discussed when extremely drunk and angry. But her brother Jasper was a sweet guy and a good support system for Rose. She always maintained she needed no other family than her brother. As far as I knew they hadn't talked to them in a long time. I never pried, thanks to the ghosts in my own closet. That's probably part of what made Rose and I such good friends. Rose quickly recovered herself and continued. "Well Bella and I were headed to a late dinner." Rose looked at me like she was waiting for me to protest before she continued into her next statement. "Did you want to join us?" Alice looked between us and said "I'd love to! Just let me call my parents so they know not to expect me." In a moment of panic I grabbed her arm that was dialing on her cell. "Please Alice, please. I'll tell you everything in time, I promise but please. Don't say you're with me." Squinting her eyes at me, she began to put something together in her head. Understanding registered on her face. "It's him, isn't it?" That's why you've avoided me. Something happened, didn't it? Did he hurt you? So help me God if he hurt you…." "No Alice!" I protested. "Nothing like that. Not at all. I said I'd tell you and I will. Just not right this moment, okay?" "Yes, you bet your sweet ass you will explain yourself Swan. But if you'd rather he not know I'm with you I'll respect that. But you'll pay me back with that explanation." I nodded. Alice knew when to drive a hard bargain.

_I threw myself face down on Edward's bed_. He laughed at me as he made his way over to his desk to set his books down. "Seriously, senior year is going to kill me Edward. It's not a joking matter. "I threw his pillow at him as he continued to laugh at me. "Bella, you always jump to the absolute worst conclusion. You'll be fine and you know it." "Whatever, we can't all be geniuses like you asshat." I replied. "And why am I taking gym again? Seriously who wants to be subjected to that!" He spun around slowly in his desk chair laughing "certainly not Mike Newton. But maybe your aim will get better and you'll break something more than his nose this year." I growled at him and his statement. "I wish I could just break his face entirely. The asshole." Edward stopped spinning in his chair and looked at me "Has he started in on you already again? I can give him another friendly warning if he needs it." I smiled at his statement. "Nah but thanks." Having Edward as a friend was like having the big brother id never gotten. Course I'm pretty sure that was a good thing because I could have never stood for having a brother that gorgeous. I mentally kicked myself in the ass as I had been doing for a year now. I'd come to grips that Edward was far too beautiful to ever look at me that way. But in doing so I had discovered my very best friend. And I wouldn't trade that for a million years. All of a sudden his bedroom door was flung open and Alice burst into the room. "Oh my god today was horrid! I need some retail therapy! Come on Bella!" She exclaimed. I looked at Edward and sighed. He smiled at Alice and shrugged his shoulders. I huffed as I got up off Edward's bed and picked my bag up. Alice began clapping her hands. "Maybe we can go get you some new makeup too Bella. It would look so pretty if you-"Edward cut her off. "No Alice. You know Bella hates that shit. She's pretty just the way she is." Before I could turn around and look at Edward his phone had rung and he picked it up. "Hey baby." He answered and turned to wave at me goodbye as he continued his phone conversation with Tanya…his newest fling. I waved back and Alice and I left his room and I shut the door. Walking out of the house and getting into Alice's car I felt that same feeling I always did when I walked away from Edward. As if I was leaving the best part of myself behind.

We drove to a small bar and grill halfway between forks and Port Angeles. It was nice and dark on the inside. It was intimate enough and the three of us sat at a table in the corner. It was fun listening to Alice and Rose get to know each other. It was like watching a piece of my past and a piece of the present fit together in a beautiful puzzle. If only everything would work out that easily I thought to myself sarcastically. Rose was in the middle of telling Alice a story from our trip to New Orleans. "So they explain to Bella, the most obtuse person in the world, that if she wants beads she is going to have to flash for them!' Alice was giggling hysterically. "So Bella hops up on her proverbial soap box and begins this conversation with the whole bar about women's rights and how degrading it is to women and how we should be ashamed in ourselves participating in such a barbaric custom." Alice and Rose are full out laughing at me now. Rose continues on "And then this really good looking guy begins to buy Bella some shots and the next thing you know Bella has earned herself more beads than anyone else in the entire bar!" Alice looks shocked at me while laughing "No way! You honestly did that bells?" I nod my head feeling ashamed all over again. Alice begins her own story to Rose. "Well that's a shock considering high school. Bella never even bothered to look at the boys. Mike Newton followed her around for ages and she never gave him a backward glance!" She told Rose "That's because he was a complete douchbag!" I interjected. I realized that maybe the drinks we had consumed so far instead of eating our dinner might have been a bad idea. I could feel myself being a little more exuberant than normal. Or maybe it was just the extra estrogen Alice had provided to our little group. Whatever it was, it felt good. But like always I knew I would pay for it. Alice was still laughing at my statement. "We were all convinced Bella was the only virgin left in our group. She had no interest in guys. And hanging out with my brother didn't help her at all. The only reason Mike hit on her was because he was dumb, the rest of the guys were scared shitless of him." I laughed at the memory. Being Edwards's friend had had some perks. "So I take it you finally decided to give it up Bella? Did you wait till your twenties? Some random one night stand? Spill it Swan! It's just us girls!" Alice goaded me on. Rose interrupted before I could respond. "Please Bella lost that shit before she graduated high school." Rose blurted out. I knew the alcohol had been a bad idea. "WHAT?" Alice screeched. "And you never told me! Bella how could you! I told you everything! You'd best tell me now!" she giggled poking me. I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. She was laughing now, maybe but she wouldn't in a minute. I shot a look at Rose, who had the decency to look ashamed. She realized too late that she had set me up for this. At least she had the decided to stop laughing. I took in a deep breath and said "Because it was private, Alice. I didn't want anyone to know." She laughed at me still not picking up on my change in mood. "Was it Newton? Please don't tell me you avoided him for years only to give in! Hell if it was I totally get why you kept that shit to yourself!" She continued on. "Tell me! I'm dying not knowing." She exclaimed. I took one more deep breath and looked down at the table, slowly spinning the glass that held my margarita. I said to Alice quietly, "Are you sure you want to know?" I asked Alice. Again she giggled at me. "Of course!" I looked up from the table to meet Alice's eyes, and I asked again. "Alice, are you sure you want to know?" Alice stopped laughing taking in my expression. She set her glass down, and narrowed her eyes at me. "No, Bella…tell me you weren't that stupid." I looked back down at the table, unable to meet her eyes any longer, and nodded my head. Yes…I had been that stupid.


	5. Chapter 5

****Author's note** Again I just want to extend my deepest thanks to any and anyone reading! Your reviews rock my world! I love to know what y'all think! Thanks!*****

Alice just stared at me slacked jawed. Rose politely cleared her throat and signaled to the waiter that our table was going to need another round. Screw that, me? I was gonna need the whole damn bar if this conversation continued. After a few more moments of silence, I couldn't stand it any longer. "Shit on a stick Alice, just spit out what you want to say." I said to her. She just shook her head at me. "I knew it would happen." She whispered. "No you didn't Alice. And if you're referring to the incident with the Ouija board, then you're insane. You set that up and you know it. I'm honestly not comfortable talking about it."

She was about to open her mouth when we were interrupted by the arrival of Rose's brother. "Hey there ladies" Jasper said when he hit the table. He kissed Rose on the cheek and smiled at me "how you doing Bella?" "Great" I replied, though I was anything but. "Jasper, this is my friend Alice. Alice, this is Rose's brother Jasper." I introduced them. One look at Alice and an alarm went off in my head. I knew that look all too well. "Hi." She said while extending her hand. Instead of shaking it, Jasper turned her hand over and lightly kissed the back. "Delighted to meet you." He said to her and smiled. You could tell he was turning on the charm. Rose smiled big as she watched Jasper. "How do you know little Bella?" Jasper asked Alice. She giggled a little and replied "We went to high school together. "And Jasper turned to look at me questioningly. I nodded my head. "What do you do Jasper?" Alice asked. He pulled a chair from one of the other tables over, and positioned himself next to Alice. "I worked at a home goods store up in Port Angeles, but that just pays the rent. Really I'm a musician." He said "Really?" replied Alice as her eyes lit up. "What instrument do you play? Do you sing too?" He laughed and explained to her that yes he did sing but he played the guitar as well.

Rose and I just smiled at each other. The two of them began what seemed to be their own private conversation. Rose reached underneath the table and squeezed my hand. As she did so she mouthed the word 'Sorry'. I nodded and squeezed her hand back. I knew she didn't mean to bring it up. Alcohol rendered Rose a dim wit sometimes, but it was okay. I knew she didn't do it intentionally. I had managed to escape the conversation this time. I knew it was impossible to get away a second time. Deep down in my gut I knew it. I just couldn't decide if I'd rather face it sooner or later.

Jasper had kindly offered to give Alice a ride home, and I could see there was a little something sparking there. Since Rose was way too sloshed to drive, I told her she could stay over at my house. We drove home with Rose singing to the radio at the top of her lungs. Her silliness soon had me back in a good mood, and once inside my house we broke out a pint of Ben and Jerry's and wrapped ourselves up on the sofa watching re-runs of the Jersey Shore. There was only one reason I liked this show. It made me feel intelligent. None the less, it made us both laugh. Rose laid her head down in my lap and looked at me. "She knew who you were talking about, right?" I nodded to her. "Yeah I'm pretty sure she knew it was him." Rose was silent, thoughtful for a moment. "Do you think about him a lot?" I turned my head and looked out the living room window. After a moment I nodded again. "Yeah," I said very quietly, "Just about every day." "Think that seeing him would help? Maybe if you told him everything..?" I shrugged my shoulder at her. "Honestly I don't know Rose. I haven't even figured out how to say hi to him. Do I act surprised to see him? Happy? Sullen? Ashamed? I don't even know. What if he hates me? What if he's avoiding me just like I'm avoiding him? Alice said he never said a word about it." Rose let out a deep sigh and said "I wish I could tell you it will be fine. But I can't, because I honestly don't know. But I will tell you that no matter what happens, I'll stand behind you." I smiled and looked down at her head in my lap. I was about to tell her thank and then I realized her eyes were closed and she began snoring. Leave it to Rose to pass out in one of her shining moments.

I made sure Rose was snug on the sofa and set her cell phone on the coffee table in front of her before I made my way upstairs. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. If only it was as simple to wash the day away as well. I went into my room and stripped down to just my t-shirt and underwear. After throwing my clothes in the hamper I stood in front of my open closet for a long time just staring. After a few moments, I shifted all my clothes over to the left hand side and reached for the hanger that was the furthest back. On it hung a football jersey. The large number seven on the front stood out even in the darkness of my room. I pulled it off the hanger and held it to my nose. I could imagine the scent though it no longer clung to the fabric. I walked over to my bed and sat down, staring at the shirt in my hand.

_Football season was in full swing and so was Edward_. This was his glory time of year. He was the quarterback and very proud of Forks' record so far for the season. I was sitting on one of the bleachers during Edward's football practice doing my Math homework and enjoying the little bit of sunshine. I couldn't wait for the practice to be over so Edward and I could go eat. I looked up from my paper just in time to see Edward be sacked by one of his fellow teammates. It was obvious Newton had missed his block, and Edward looked really pissed. I couldn't hear what they were saying but they started that whole chest bumping thing guys do and the coach blew the whistle to break it up. From my seat I laughed. I hated that punk Newton, and Edward knew it too. That kid was just too slimy for words. On the far end of the field the cheerleaders were practicing and I rolled my eyes at them. It appeared a few were preening for Edwards's attention, which I just found ridiculous. Didn't they realize he was concentrating on football, not on them? I went back to my book and thankfully finished my homework just as the coach blew the whistle for the end of practice and told the guys to hit the showers. That meant I wouldn't have my homework hanging over my head while I was out with Edward. As I walked down the bleachers, at a snail's pace to make sure I didn't trip, I gave myself my normal mental kick in the ass. I loved my friendship with Edward. It was more than any of his flings got. They may have gotten his body, but I got his brain, and his laughs, and his confidence. The devil on my shoulder reminded me that his body was pretty banging too. Right, like I could forget that one. Especially since it was always walking around in front of me without a shirt. Not because he was trying to get my attention, but because I had become one of his buddies. Well Whatever. Beggars can't be chooser I reminded myself.

The cheerleaders had finished practice as well and were walking back to the bleachers in small groups. I saw Tanya, Edwards's most recent conquest walking my way. To call her a conquest wasn't really saying much. I was pretty sure most of the guys in our class had already scaled that mountain, if you know what I mean. I smiled as best as I could to her. I hated her guts. I hated anyone's guts that got the privilege of Edward aside from me. "Tanya." I said by way of acknowledgment. She nodded her head back at me as she made her own way into the girl's locker room. Then, a moment later Edward exited his locker room checking his phone and laughing. "What's up punk?" I asked him. HE looked up at me and smiled. "Look at this shit Bells." He said and turned his phone around to face me. "Oh my God Edward! Keep that shit to yourself!" I screeched. He had just flashed me a picture of another girls rack. That was something I didn't need to see. "Jesus I do not need to know what Tanya looks like topless!" He laughed at me and said "That wasn't Tanya. That was Stanley." "Oh gross Edward, so much worse. Now you're screwing with Jessica?" Are you trying to take over the world with an army of whores?" He laughed and threw his arm over my shoulder. "Yes Bella that's my master plan. You'll be in charge of keeping them in line and making sure they don't kill each other." I laughed back at him. "Fat chance asshole. Not part of my job description." Oh really well is laundry in your job description?" I looked at him as I got in the passenger side of his car. What the hell? "Edward I am not doing your laundry. That's what your mother is for. Or you could do your own damn laundry." I said. He reached into his bag from practice and pulled out his jersey he just had on and threw it in my face. "Well I don't think you want it to reek when you wear it tomorrow." He said "What? Why am I wearing this tomorrow? And good god you sweat like a horse. This thing freaking stinks!" He laughed at me. "You know how all the girls wear their guys' jerseys on the Friday of the homecoming game? Well I don't want to start shit between Jessica and Tanya, so I figured if you wore it; it would save me the trouble." I looked down at the jersey in my hands and my heart did a dance of the giddy. I refused to think about the fact that I would only be wearing it so that he didn't start a war between the rank of skanks. "Yeah ok. But you owe me Cullen." I told him. We pulled up to the diner and got out of the car. "Don't act like you're not happy. You'll be the envy of all the girls tomorrow." He said smugly. Edward was confident to the point of cocky. "Yeah and I'll probably get slugged a few times too, so thanks for that." I said while shutting my door. Edward came over in front of me and put his fingers and my chin and tilted my head up to look at him. I was extremely aware of his close proximity. The scent of his body wash filled my nose, and I could feel my ears turning red. He looked me straight in the eye with a serious expression and said "I'd kill one of them before they laid a hand on you. You got that?" I nodded my head slightly but I couldn't breathe. The blood was pounding in my head. The electricity from his fingers shot down my neck and straight to my stomach. It was like the air around us was crackling with its own electricity as well. He was inches away from me. If I just stood on my tiptoes I could- Edward backed away from me shaking his head slightly. I tried to take a deep breath without him noticing. He ran his hands through his hair and blew out a big puff of air. "C'mon Stumbelina, let's go eat he said." And with that the moment was gone; forgotten. We walked into the diner side by side in mutual silence.

In my bed I curled up on my side and clutched the jersey to my chest. It felt like my heart was breaking to pieces. There would be no stopping the tears tonight. I buried my head into my pillow, and with a firm grip on his shirt, I cried myself to sleep

There was sunlight streaming through my window. That was my first clue I was in for something bad. It was never what you'd call sunny in Forks. I rolled over and registered I could smell coffee. Oh thank god, rose must have made some. I rubbed my eyes; they were swollen from crying the night before, and I was stunned into silence when I opened them. I registered Rose standing in my doorway, with a cup of coffee in her hand. She smiled sympathetically at me. Looking to the other side of my bed I noticed Alice sitting on the edge. She smiled at me as well, but the smile didn't touch her eyes. She had something in her hands. I looked at her lap and noticed she was holding Edwards old football jersey. Shit, I had fallen asleep with it. "Coffee first." She said as she stood up. Then she tossed her brothers football jersey at me. "And then we are having a serious discussion. Understood?" I nodded my head and pushed my hair out of my face. Part one of the inevitable had arrived.


	6. Chapter 6

I don't think I have ever brushed my teeth slower. I stood in the shower ten minutes after I was done. Did I want to tell Alice the whole story, or just what had happened before they left? After some tough deliberation I decided that I would tell here everything that had led up until they day she and Edward left for College. Everything after that was going to be left unsaid. If it was said to anyone, it would be Edward, and maybe not even then. All good things in time, my mom would say. She had the tendency to sound like a hallmark when she was trying to be sympathetic. I walked down the stairs slowly and managed to only stumble over the last one.

"Some things never change, do they?" Alice said to me. She and Rosalie were seated and my kitchen table across from each other with steaming cups of coffee. Rose saw me eyes their mugs and got up and pulled one down out of the cabinet for me and began to make me a cup of coffee. Alice sat patiently, quietly until Rose had placed a mug of coffee in front of me and had herself seated. Alice then cleared her throat.

"First off, does Rose know everything?" Alice asked. Rose and I both nodded our heads. "So anything said here is in complete confidence then." Alice declared. I was a little stunned. Part of me had expected her to yell. I had slept with her brother for god's sake…and never told her. Alice was normally much more dramatic than this. "Did he hurt you?" She asked quietly. "No, Alice, I told you, it was nothing like that." She nodded and took a sip of her coffee. "Okay. Were you two dating and never told any of us? I called Emmett and..." "You called Emmett?" I shrieked. What was she telling people? "Calm down Bella and let me finish and then you will have plenty of time to say your piece." I took a sip of my coffee. I was not awake enough for this conversation. "As I was saying" Alice continued. " I called Emmett and asked him if he had ever known about an ongoing thing between you and Edward. He claimed he knew nothing either. He is however coming home over Halloween weekend, and says he's looking very forward to seeing you." "That's nice" I said while clearing my throat. "But no Alice, to answer your question, we weren't dating. It was once. Just one time. Just shortly before you two left." Good lord I felt like my insides were on display for everyone. "Why?" She asked quietly. "And don't you dare lie to me Bella and tell me you were drunk because I know you a damn hair better than that." Before I could respond there was a knock at my front door. I got up and went to the door to answer it. The girls could see the front door from the kitchen. Again, my place is very small. Opening the door I found Jake standing there with his helmet in his hand and his spare in the other. "Morning sunshine." He said and leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. "Morning Jake, c'mon in. You want some coffee?" I asked leading him into the kitchen. He looked at my kitchen table and the company and said "no thanks, good morning Rose." "Morning" Rose replied pulling a face that Alice seemed to pick up on. Rose had a very distinct feeling about Jake. She felt he was a thorn in my side and she got very irritated that he never seemed to take the hint from me about never being more than friends. Jake turned his head to Alice and recognition dawned on his face. "I remember you." Alice said warily looking between Rose and me, and Jake. "Black right? Jacob?" Jake nodded and shook her hand. "Yeah that's me. I was just coming to see if Bella wanted to take a ride down to the reservation today. The weather is beautiful Bells. I've got the bike out. Might be the last run of the season. "I smiled at him as I poured the girls and myself more coffee. "Nah, Jake but thanks. I think I'm just gonna lie low today." My store was closed on Wednesdays and Sundays. Once again, the beautiful perks of working for you. He shrugged and said "Your loss. I'll just leave you girls to it." He said. He came over close to me and gave me a hug. In my ear he whispered "You gonna be okay?" And I nodded my head in assurance. With a wave at Rose and Alice he was back out the door as quick as he arrived.

Alice turned and looked at me. "You're not dating that little shit are you?" I spit some of my coffee out over the front of myself. "No Alice. But he isn't a little shit. He's a good friend." Rose made a small sound in the back of her throat and I gave her the look that told her to stop. "Yes he would like more," I acquiesced, "but I've told him that just isn't possible. "Again Rose made that noise in her throat. Alice looked at her questioningly. "She's never dated anyone, as far as I know." Rose said to Alice with a shrug of her shoulders. Alice turned and looked at me with big eyes. "No one." I replied, turning to look out my kitchen window. "Back to you and Edward." Alice prompted me. "It's really cliché. And not to mention embarrassing." I told her. Rose sat back in her chair and crossed her arms. She had heard this story before. I looked at Alice over my shoulder .She nodded me on in encouragement. Turning and looking out the window again, I took a deep breath and began. "It was the night of prom…" I began.

"I still say you'll be the prettiest girls there, Isabella." My dad said to me. "You've got to say that, you're my dad." I told him. I picked up my purse. And grabbed my keys and walked to the front door. "I still don't understand how you didn't get asked to the dance. That Newton boy seems like a nice kid..." My dad began again. I sighed in resignation. We had had this conversation numerous times now. "I told you dad, I don't like Mike Newton. There weren't any boys I wanted to go with. But it's my senior prom, and date or no date I'm not going to miss it. Mom would've killed me if she found out I had. "I told him for the millionth time. "I'm going to stay over with Alice and have a girl's night when it's over. I reminded him again. He kissed me on the cheek and I headed out the door and made my way to my beat up truck. I tossed my bag in the back and started up the beast. I waved to my dad who was standing in the door way and headed for the high school. I had only told my dad half the reason I was going. The other half was Edward. Some part of me felt this was my last chance. My last shot to get him to see me as more than a buddy. As a girl. For the first time in a long time I was wearing a dress. I was sure it wouldn't be as fancy as the other girls, but that was okay. It was a pale shade of lavender tea length dress with wide straps, and a high waist. There were no designs on the dress, it was pretty and plain. I wore flats, because there were some forms of fate I didn't want to tempt, and gravity was one evil bitch when it came to me. I pulled into the high school parking lot, grabbed my small clutch that Alice had loaned me and made sure I had my ticket. With a very deep breath I got out of the truck and made my way into the school. It was like a scene from one of my worst nightmares. There was crepe paper everywhere. Some airhead-probably Lauren- had decided the theme of our prom should be under water something or other. Whatever it was it looked like it belonged at a five year olds birthday party. Not in a room full of 18 year olds. After handing over my ticket I walked into the gym and tried not to gag. I saw Alice and she squealed as she made her way over to me. "Oh Bella you look beautiful! You look like a princess! Where are your heels? I expressly told you to wear heels! What were you thinking! Oh never mind you're beautiful anyway." I tried to hug her dainty form as she bounced around on her what must have been five inch heels. She had this tiny little hot pink number on that showed more leg than dress and she looked absolutely stunning in it. "You are the true beauty Alice! I'll bet Justin finds you breath-taking." I said. She rolled her eyes at me and said "Whatever. It was a last ditch idea. I didn't want to come alone. I'm nowhere near as brave as you! Just make sure you stay away from Newton tonight. Someone spiked the punch bowl and he's had more than his fair share if you know what I mean." I nodded my head in assent. I would definitely be steering clear of him. He was bad enough sober. "We'll have plenty of time to hash it all out when we go home! I'm so excited you're staying the night! It'll be a blast!"She squealed. After that Alice made her way off back to her date, and I headed towards the table to sit down and settle. I watched the couples dancing and tapped my foot along to the music. I was actually enjoying myself all things considered. I talked to Angela and her boyfriend Ben for a while and few other kids from my class. I was about to get up from the table and head to the bathroom when I finally saw him. He was standing in the center of the gym and laughing with a few of his buddies from the football team. He looked dashing in his tuxedo. The grown up Edward Cullen and from far away I was allowed to ogle him without being noticed. I stood frozen as my eyes took in all of him. His hair was just as messy as ever but it only added to his charm. I watched as he laughed at a joke someone told and my traitor heart skipped beats. He turned his head in my direction and didn't seem to recognize me at first. Then his face broke out in that gorgeous crooked smile. I waved a little at him and he began to make his way over to me. Of course that was exactly the moment Mike Newton decided to make his move on me. "Hey Izza-Bella" he slurred at me. "Hey Mike." I said while trying to side step his advance. "You're looking pretty hot tonight." He said while reaching for my waist. I batted his hand away. "Thanks mike, but no thanks." He didn't seem to take my hint. Then again he never did. He wrapped his arm around my waist and was talking so close to my ear I could feel his lips on my skin. I tried not to vomit on my shoes."C'mon on Bella, looking like that you know you wanted me to hit on you. Why don't we head on out to my car and-" His sentence was cut short as Edward's hand enveloped the back of Mike's neck and yanked him away from me. "What the hell?" Newton protested. Edward spun him around so they were facing each other and grabbed mike by the front of his jacket. "I'd love nothing more than to beat the shit out of you here and now. But I am not about to be expelled and lose my future over your stupid punk ass, you got me?" Mike gulped and nodded. Edward shook him again had and brought them nose to nose for his next statement. "If you ever, and I mean ever, lay a hand on Isabella again, I swear to god it will be the last thing you do. Have I made myself perfectly clear?" He asked. I myself was shocked, and sat back down. Edward never called me by my full name. Edward released him and shoved him away from himself. Mike stumbled a few times and then turned and walked away. Edward looked down and me and wiped his hands on his pants. "You alright?" He asked me. I nodded. I really didn't feel like doing more than that. Edward held his hand out to me. "You wanna go?" he asked. I nodded again and put my hand in his. As always the electricity shot through me and made my whole body come alive. "C'mon. I'll drive you back to the house. Alice told me you were staying." He said. "What about your date?" I asked him while I grabbed my purse. "What the fuck ever Bella. She'll get over it. Let's get outta here." He said and squeezed my hand. "Okay."I whispered, with my heart in my throat.

We headed out to his car and drove to the house in relative silence. Neither of us spoke. I couldn't put my finger on it but something felt different. The moment he grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the chair in that gym, something altered. Their parents were out of town for the weekend, something that was rare for Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. Dr. Cullen rarely got time off, especially on a weekend. Edward shut the door behind us and we made our way into the large kitchen. Edward reached into the fridge and produced two beers and handed one over to me. This wasn't something I normally did but I was shook up from the experience with Newton, and was in desperate need to calm down. I thanked him and we went into the living room taking our beers with us. I walked over to the large window that adorned their back wall and looked out into the forest that lies beyond. I could hear Edward pacing behind me and I couldn't figure out what was wrong. He almost seemed angry. I turned around and looked at him. "What's wrong Edward? You're too quiet." He stopped and looked at me and ran his hands through his hair. He began pacing again and I heard him mutter to himself "Going about it all wrong." "What's going wrong? I told you go back to the dance. I'll be fine till Al comes home Edward. I know how to work the TV." He stopped pacing again and looked at me. "Did I even tell you that you look pretty?" He asked me. "What?" I asked confused. "Did I?" he asked again. "Did I tell you how pretty you look tonight? Pretty isn't even the right word….." he began pacing again and walked over to the wall on the opposite side of the room and started fiddling with the stereo. I just stood there stunned. I didn't know what to say. I looked at the beer in my hand. This must be some strong shit because I was obviously hallucinating. "Beautiful." Edward said. I looked up and he was standing right in front of me, so close I could smell his cologne. "You look beautiful tonight Bella." I think I began to hyperventilate. Edward reached for the beer in my hand and took it from me and set it down in the coffee table. He looked at me and then reached over and took my hand again, slowly running his thumb lightly over my knuckles. I could feel it all over my skin. I was exploding with the electricity he produced and my heart was racing in my chest. He walked backwards towards the middle of the living room and pulled me along with him. Very slowly he put my arms one at a time around his neck. I couldn't breathe. Oh Jesus god I was going to pass out. Edward skimmed his fingers slightly down the side of my arms and then very gently wrapped them around my waist. "Will you dance with me Bella?" He asked quietly. I nodded ever so slightly, and Edward began swaying us along to the rhythm of the song on the radio. I couldn't speak, I could breathe. I couldn't even form a coherent thought; I was in the arms of Edward Cullen. I couldn't take my eyes off his. I was so confused. This was my best friend. What was he doing? What were we doing? Oh hell I finally thought, and very slowly I turned and lower my head so it was lying against his chest. I felt him rest his cheek on the top of my head and begin to hum along with the song. I sighed with absolute contentment. I have no idea how long we stayed like that. Swaying from side to side, holding on to each other. I felt Edward remove one of his hands from my waist and he brought it up against my cheek, running his thumb back and forth over my cheek bone. I lifted my head and looked at him. We had stopped swaying. We were just standing there, staring at each other. Ever so slightly I saw Edwards eyes flicker to my lips and before I could ever register the thought I stood on my toes and press my lips to his.

There are many moments in a person's life, and some leave a make far more than others. This moment, here with Edward was a moment that would follow me through life. His lips on mine were like a fire had been set in my soul. I couldn't breathe, and couldn't get enough. HE responded instantly and made a noise deep within his throat that fanned my flames even higher. There were no thoughts in that moment. Nothing existed but Edward and me. I ran my hands greedily through his hair, down his neck, over his shoulders. He held me impossibly close and I felt his hands sweep up and down my back trying to pull me even closer. We pulled away both greedy for air, and I felt like I was flying. "Bella, Bella, Bella. "He said my name over and over, like a prayer and I basked in the sound of his voice caressing my name as he planted small kisses on my neck and ears and my bare shoulders. He cupped my face in his hands and looked as me questioningly, his eyes burning into mine. But there would be no questions tonight. Only action. I nodded my head in answer to his unspoken thought and he leaned down and put an arm behind my knees and picked me up as if I weighed no more than his back pack. With quick assured steps he walked us both up the stairs to the second floor, never taking his eyes off mine. We reached his room and he set me down on the bed we had sat on together many times. He stared at me and I began to feel uncomfortable in the silence. What if he had changed his mind? What if he remembered it was just me. Just Bella? What if he had come to his senses? Before I could ask him what he was thinking, he knelt down in front of me and put his hands on the back of my neck and entwined his fingers in my hair. "Are you sure?" He asked me. I could only nod, I was never surer of anything than I was of Edward. But that wasn't enough for him. He kissed me again deeply and pulled away. "Isabella" he said forcing me to meet his eyes. "Are you sure?"He asked again. "Yes, Edward. Yes….I'm sure." And I pulled him towards me to kiss him once more.

I stood facing my kitchen window, but my eyes were closed. I was lost to memory. I ran my fingers over my lips remembering him. That one night had altered me in so many ways. I was not the girl I had been before. I never would be again, either. Slowly I turned around to face Alice who was staring at me with an expression I couldn't read. I noticed a tear running down Rose's cheek and she wiped it away hastily. I gave her a smile to let her know I was okay.

"What happened than Bella?" Alice asked me quietly. I gave her a wry smile and shrugged my shoulders. "I did what I do best Alice." I said. She cocked her head at me for a better answer. "I ran Alice. I ran before he ever woke up." And I turned to look back out the kitchen window and drank my cup of coffee.


	7. Chapter 7

*****Author's note*** Sorry this chapter is a little shorter! It was originally to be combined with chapter 6! As always, I own nothing. I just like to make my favorite characters do silly things : ) Let me know what u think! xoxo*****

I was thankful Alice had let me have some time in relative silence. My emotions were in overdrive and I was still half asleep. Rose had watched this meltdown before, so she already knew what to expect. She and Alice had started a quiet conversation at the table and gave me a little time to collect myself. I finished my first cup of coffee and walked over to the machine for a refill. I tilted the pot to them, gesturing if they wanted more. They both did. Hell, at this rate I'd be making three pots before I ever even left the kitchen. I had come down on a firm decision on what I would and would not tell Alice in my quiet deliberation, and I still had a little more explaining to do. I sat down with them at the table and I bit my bottom lip and looked at Alice.

"I know you saw him after that. That couldn't have been the last time you saw him." I nodded. "Well? What happened? I always thought you had feelings for him. It just seemed so obvious to me." She said. I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't know what I wanted to say to that. Alice placed her hand over mine, and asked "What happened, Bells?" I looked over at Rose and she just smiled sympathetically.

I cleared my throat before I began the second half of the story. "We didn't see each other for a little while after that. I didn't call him, and he didn't call me. I think that neither of us knew how to act. We had crossed some invisible line and weren't sure what we were to do now. The day before you left, he showed up at my dad's house. I had the flu and felt like absolute shit. I wasn't up for it, but I knew we had to talk. He came in and just stood in the living room. Then he started that pacing thing he does, when he gets frustrated." I said. Alice nodded her head. We both knew that action all too well. "Before I could even say anything, "I continued, "He asked me to go with him…with both of you…to New York."I clarified. "He did?" Alice asked, shocked. I nodded my head at her again "Yes, he did. He told me he'd find an apartment instead of living on campus. He said he knew I hadn't planned on going to college, and he figured there was nothing to tie me here. He told me he wanted me to come with him." Alice looked stunned. She shook her head, as if to clear it, and said "And..?" making a motion with her hands that I was to continue. I looked at Alice and then back down to the table. "I told him no." I said.

Rose made a noise in her throat somewhere between a snort and a laugh and I felt myself cringe. "What am I missing?"Alice said to Rose. Rose shrugged her shoulders again, gave me a look, and she said "She didn't tell him no. She kicked him in the metaphorical dick is what she did." Leave it to Rose to throw me under the bus I thought, looking at her. But I knew what she was doing. I wouldn't feel okay unless I told what I was willing to tell truthfully. There was already plenty I wasn't saying. I was getting off easy. Alice was staring at me with wide eyes, waiting for me to expound on Rose's statement. "Explain, Bella." Alice demanded. I began tracing the pattern of the wood on my kitchen table with my sorry excuse for finger nails, and told myself to just suck it up. Without looking at Alice I said. "I told him no. I told him that what had happened was a mistake. It never should have happened at all and that I regretted every moment of it. I was starting to feel sick again and I didn't want him to see my puke. But he just wouldn't leave. I screamed at him to go, to get out and leave me alone. I told him to forget it ever happened. To forget me; forget us."

I could see his face plain as day in my brain. I was mentally playing it over in my head while I explained. I could feel the panic in my chest rising, and as my anger at myself rose once more, so did my voice. I didn't even realize I was yelling in my own kitchen, now.

"He still wouldn't go. He kept trying to talk to me. ; To get me to listen to him. So I shoved him. I put both my hands on his chest and I just pushed as hard as I could. He didn't even try to stop me. I just kept screaming at him and shoving him and hitting him in the chest over and over. I screamed at him to go. Just go away and leave me alone. I had him backed out on to the stoop by now and I shoved him one more time. He fell backwards and just sat there staring at me with his hands up. He said my name, very quietly. And something inside me felt like it broke in half. The expression on his face; I couldn't take it. I screamed at him that I wish he'd never picked up my damn book. That he'd just left me alone that day. I said that I'd be better off if I had never known him, and I slammed the door. I slammed the goddamn door in his face and that's the last time I ever saw him."

The silence in the kitchen was deafening. The only sound was my loud rapid breathing. I could hear him over and over in my head just like it was happening now. "Please Bella. Please." I shoved away from the table with enough force to knock my chair over just as I felt the bile rising in my throat. "I slammed the damn door on him!" I yelled again at myself, as if that would make it better.

I ran to the bathroom and leaned over the toilet, heaving. I felt the tears running down my cheeks and I wrapped my arms around my chest to stop the re-breaking of my heart. The sobbing came unbidden and took over my body. There was no stopping it now. I felt two sets of arms wrap around me and someone placed a cool wash cloth on the back of my neck. I could hear Roses shushing me and telling me it was okay. I sat there being rocked by Alice and Rose, and I cried myself out. I could have been minutes, or maybe it was hours, but slowly I came back to myself. I lifted me head embarrassed and pushed back the hair that was stuck to my forehead. Alice sat looking at me with a sad smile on her face. I took a deep breath and said to her. "I didn't mean it. I didn't mean one damn word of it." Alice nodded her head and said, "Yeah….I didn't think so."

After another minute, I sighed. This was not me, this weepy mess on the floor. I got up and Rose and Alice backed up to give me some room. I ran some water, splashed my face and told myself again to get my shit together. We walked back into the kitchen and I poured myself yet another cup of coffee. I have very few vices, but coffee I drink all day, every day, rain or shine. Everyone remained quiet for a few minutes.

"Look, Bella", Alice said. "Are you gonna tell me why you ran out on him? Or why you told him no?"

I huffed. "I ran, Al, because I was scared to death. I was beyond embarrassed. I'd left blood all over his sheets. I didn't know what the hell to do. What if he woke up and regretted it? I couldn't have bared that. So I just left. I'm a coward through, and through." I pulled my hair in a messy bun and faced them both with my hands on my hips.

"Look, enough playing the 'let's open Bella's emotional time-capsule' game. Let's get out of the house." I said, getting my things together. "But, you still didn't tell me why you told him no!" Alice protested. I pretended to be extremely busy tying my shoes so I wouldn't have to look at her. "That", I said, "Is different story for a different day."

We managed to salvage the day and come halfway into the drive we were all acting like giggling teenagers. Alice asked how Rose and I met at one point. That gave both Rose and I pause, due to delving into history we didn't want to talk about. Rose covered well with a fabrication of the original story. She replied, "We actually met at the Fork's hospital. I was there for a routine procedure, and Bella was in the ER due to her fantastic walking skills." Alice laughed and went into a whole spiel on the many ways I had gotten myself into the ER in high school. Personally I was amazed they didn't give me a "frequent visitor" card for check-in or some shit.

Of course Alice was all about the shopping when we arrived and she and Rose made a great pair looking for the bargains. I happily trailed along with them enjoying the girl time, and the idle chatter. Before I knew it I had a pretty new sweater for the quickly cooling weather, and aof course a new hoodie. I was all about simplicity. It was late in the afternoon when we found a small bistro, with a sign for the specials out front, and we all decided to take a break from the shopping and get something to eat.

Our drinks had just arrived at the table and Rose was in the middle of a hysterical story about the time I managed to fall off the trolley in San Francisco, when Alice made an odd facial expression. "Not what you wanted?" Rose asked gesturing to Alice's cocktail. I, however, knew exactly what that look meant. She had once told me that beings twins, she could always tell if Edward was near-by. Alice looked me straight in the eye. "Run" my brain whispered to me. But I was statue solid in my chair. I stared back at Alice, desperately willing her to be wrong. I saw her eyes flicker to the door, grow slightly wider, and flash back to me. Her expression conveyed urgency. "I can't do this." I said to the table, "no, no, no, I can't do this. This can't be happening."I stood up from the table, and both Rose and Alice were staring at me. I turned to go to the bathroom, the only place I could think to hide. But even Chuck Norris couldn't save me now. My foot caught and twisted on the leg of my chair and all of a sudden I was falling. I heard both Rose and Al screech my name. Halfway down someone caught me. My hands wrapped around strong forearms and my body jolted as if I had grabbed a live wire. My nose registered a familiar scent, and every nerve in my body was on fire. I started down at the shoes that were below me…black and white Adidas' that were beaten to hell and back. I couldn't look up. I was getting very good at this statue game I seemed to be playing. Oh screw me six ways from Sunday. Welcome to "The inevitable; Part deux". My ears were assaulted with the familiar cadence of his voice, and my heart leapt into my throat at his statement.

"We meet again, Ms. Dashwood." He said


	8. Chapter 8

**************Author's Note: My apologies all for the delay. For some reason I was having a little 'writer's block' issues. I'm sorry this chapter is a little shorter than the others, but I wanted to get something up for those of you who may be reading, and I hope you are! I promise there will be more to come this weekend. Reviews are like rainbows! I love, love, love them! And as always I don't own Twilight, I just like to make the characters do silly things! xoxox******************

I remained quiet until I had steadied myself upright. I kind of patted myself down to keep my hands busy and shake the feeling having them on him had felt. I was looking everywhere but at him. I realized I hadn't even said 'thank you' yet, but I hadn't found my voice. The problem was, I fighting an internal war. The least important part being that there was an audience. I know Alice would be watching my reaction closely, and Rose would be assessing Edward through and through, having only ever seen him in pictures and heard of him through my moments where I broke down and spoke of him. I had always imagined if we ever spoke again, it would be private, not like this. Here in a crowded restaurant with stranger's eyes and two very snoopy friends. The bigger part of the war was my battling reactions. There was one part of me that wanted to bolt. Just grab my purse and get the hell out of dodge. Get away and pretend this moment wasn't happening. The larger part of me wanted to get up, grab him by the shoulders, and kiss him until I couldn't breathe; until he couldn't breathe. And until it took us back to the morning I woke up in his bed, and I could smile at how child-like he looked while he was sleeping. I would've kissed him awake and demanded he take me into his arms again because I would never, _could never_, get enough of Edward Cullen.

But I knew of course that that couldn't happen. It was probably only five seconds for me to process all this. In my brain it felt a hell of a lot longer. After a large mental kick in the ass to go with it, I reminded myself that I am Bella Swan, a 23 year old woman who owns a successful business and had more than the lion's share of brains, not some simpering 18 year old girl who could be swayed by a gorgeous smile and head of permanent sex hair wrapped up in a pair of low slung jeans. Apparently we were taking the old nickname route, and he sure didn't seem fazed to see me, so I figured I would play the same card. It was not my first time at this rodeo.

"It would appear so, Mr. Ferrars." I replied, still not looking him in the eye. "I see my sister managed to find you." He observed. Alice chose that moment to speak up. "Of course I did, Edward. It's my first time home in years. Why wouldn't I?" Edward made a sound of reply. And cue dead silence. I mean dead; cold in a coffin silence. Thank sliced bread, Rose decided to talk "Hi, I'm Rose; I take it you're Edward?" I felt him reach across in front of me "Yes," he said in his musical lilt, "Very nice to meet you Rose. " He continued to reach forward, I assume to shake Rose's hand and I went to step back out of the way. However, I forgot that I still hadn't cleared my damn chair from my previous almost accident and back straight up into it. I felt myself begin to fall backwards and I reached out blindly to anything that could stop or slow my fast descent. I felt something spill over the front of me, I hit the ground with a dull 'thunk', and then the wind was promptly knocked out of me by the front. I groaned in pain, and I opened my eyes to assess the situation. That was a mistake. Edward was about four inches from my face, with his eyes shut in pain. He opened his eye and we were almost nose to nose. I felt my remaining breath hitch. I couldn't say anything, and then 'plop'. A noodle of some sort dropped from Edwards's hair on to my face. And he smirked, and I couldn't help it I began to giggle. I realized he appeared to be covered in pasta and it was slowly falling on to me. The giggles started out quiet, and then I couldn't stop. Very slowly he began to chuckle along with me, until we were both caught in a fit of laughter. And for the very first time in years, I felt…happy.

I tried to wipe the noodles from my face and calm my outburst. Edward smiled at me lightly and said "Just couldn't resist taking me down with you, stumbelina?" I shrugged my shoulders as best as I could and said "You know me, if it's stationary, ill fall over it." I got up again, hopefully for good this time and began wiping myself off for real. "Um….."I said looking at the girls and gesturing to myself. Rose jumped right to it. "Bella we have got to get you home and cleaned off." "No joke" I replied. I had the equivalent of a whole plate of pasta in my hair. "I had better go apologize to the manager for the mess. " I added. "That's okay; I'll take care of it." Edward said looking at me. I couldn't help but notice the smile was gone from his face now. There had been a tiny ice breaker, but there was still a valley of unknown between us, and that one moment wasn't going to change anything. "Thank you." I said in a tiny voice. Alice wiped Edward cheek off and planted a kiss on it. "I'll see you back at mom and dads, okay?" She said to him. "Yeah, sure" he replied. He looked at me with the oddest expression on his face and said "It was nice seeing you_, Isabella_…."….and there it was; my whole name. The moment he said it I could remember the words he spoke the last time he said my name like that. I felt something tug in my chest and I realized I had spent too many years being a coward; No longer. Before I could chicken out I managed to stutter "Edward….um…maybe we could…..I don't know…. hang out…or something….sometime." God it sounded so incredibly cliché the moment it was out of my mouth. The silence was killing me once again. That's what my ass gets for going out on a limb. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I couldn't take it any longer and I looked up to meet his eyes, and what I saw stunned me.

It was that smile; my beautiful, crooked, eye crinkling, smile. Even now it took my breath away. I realized I would do what I could to see that smile for as long as he was here. I had lived too long without it. Rose must have noticed I had no power to move myself, so she wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and I waved slightly to him in goodbye as she steered me out of the restaurant.

I stared out the window from the backseat of Alice's car as we drove back home from the city. I felt like a tiny bit of the weight I had been carrying around with me had been lifted. I had survived my first run in with him. It wasn't quite as traumatic as I had always imagined. But then again, that's because he had been kind. In my imagination he had always been cruel and unfeeling….as cruel and unfeeling as I had been to him the day I told him to leave. And God knows I would have deserved it. But he wasn't. I'm not sure what twist of fate allowed that to happen but I was extremely grateful. I listened while Rose and Alice chatted away up front and was glad to see the two of them seemed to becoming fast friends. They had both remained silent about the exchange, but I knew it was coming. As soon as I noticed a lull in their conversation, I braced myself. Let the Spanish Inquisition begin.

I was Rose who decided to dig in first. "So Bella….hang out sometime?" I nodded my head in a jerky movement. I caught Alice's eyes in the rearview mirror and I could tell she was smiling. "Did you mean it?" Rose asked me. Again I nodded my head in another quick motion. "Are you okay?" She asked her voice a little lower. Once again with the fast head movement. "What the hell is you problem Bella?" Alice screeched from the front seat. "All you're going to do is sit there and nod! Can't I get a little bit of excitement from you at least? "Alice was practically bouncing in her seat now. "When are you going to hang out? You'll have to tell me where you're going so I can plan your outfit. I wouldn't suggest a movie because you can't really talk..." I could tell she was going to keep rambling on so I decided to interrupt her before she went too far. "Alice, who knows? We may not actually hang out at all. And since when did I become a life size Barbie doll? And you know your brother hates going to movies at the theater." And then something occurred to me. "Alice?" I hedged. "Yes Madame panic attack?" she replied. "You're not going to say anything to him, about what I told you are you? I mean it's not like I even think he'll care enough to ask you about me, but if for some reason he does..?" I left the sentence hanging and Alice scoffed at me.

"Bella, Bella, Bella, oh how little you know. First off, no, the information you shared with me is between us girls." With this statement she shared a wink at Rose who smiled back at her. "And second?" I asked her. She pulled into my driveway, put the car in park and once again met my eyes in the rearview mirror. She grinned at me a very wicked grin at me and stated "For second, Bella, you're not the only person's secrets I know."


	9. Chapter 9

Regardless how hard I tried Alice refused to give any information as to what she meant by her statement. Alice is normally the chatter box, but maybe growing up had changed her a little. Rose had gotten in her car and she and Alice left at the same time. I waved to the both from the porch and I felt myself smiling. All in all things could be worse, and I refused to think about what may be to come.

Coming home I felt a sort of useless energy and I didn't know what to do with it. I puttered around the kitchen a while, washing the few dishes that were in the sink and wiping down the counters. When that was done I decided the downstairs bathroom could use a good scrubbing. I was hoping all the cleaning would help burn off some energy. It was going to be a long day at the store tomorrow, and I would need a good night's sleep tonight. Once the bathroom was complete I went through the living room dusting the end tables and TV stand, and folding my throws for the couch. I was standing behind the sofa, punching up one of my pillows and I noticed the moon casting a glow over my back yard. After I had adjusted the pillow back on the sofa I made my way through the kitchen and out the back door. It was crisp outside and I wrapped my arms around my torso for added warmth as I padded over to my back porch swing. I loved them so much I had one out front and one out back. There was just something very soothing about the rocking motion, and my yard was so peaceful and quiet. I seated myself and brought my one knee up to my chest and pulled my sweatshirt over my leg. My mother used to scream at me for doing that, declaring I would stretch my clothes out. With my other foot I pushed gently and began to rock myself slowly. Instantly my nerves started to calm and my restless energy began to ebb. I closed my eyes for a moment and listened to the birds of the night call to each other. I opened my again and stared out across the lawn and into the dark forest that stretched beyond it. Here I was alone, and here I could think clearly.

"_No honestly it's not so bad!" I told Jacob for the millionth time._ I had been in Forks for three weeks now, and he was convinced I had to be going crazy.

"I wish you could come down to the res, and go to school with me."" He said. I sighed. This was not the first time he had mentioned this, and I was starting to feel there was something more behind it. Jake was a good friend, no, a great friend, and I had very little experience with boys, so I wasn't sure if I was interpreting things wrong. I didn't have the heart to tell him I would have never chosen the reservation schools, even if they were an option, for one simple reason; there was no Edward Cullen at that school. I suppressed a smile and reminded myself I was in a conversation with Jacob. Too often I had a tendency to daydream.

"I know, Jake, but you know they don't allow us pale-faces there." I joked and elbowed him in the ribs. We were walking back through the woods behind my dad's house. We had spent a few hours hiking, well Jake hiked, I mostly tried not to fall and break my neck. But I enjoyed the outdoors, and with Jacob I didn't have to worry about making a fool of myself. I found it helped me relax. Beside me, Jake sighed. This was what I meant. He seemed discontent sometimes.

"Yeah, I know, Bells. I just keep thinking that now that you're here, it'd be awesome if we had class together." "Jake, would we even be in class together? I'm an old fart, you know." I teased him. We had reached the edge of the woods and were now walking through my dad's back yard. "Bella, I'm one year younger than you, which hardly makes you old. Plus all the classes in our age are together. There aren't as many kids." He threw his arm around my shoulders jokingly. I smiled at him and started to respond but before I could say anything I heard a voice that never ceased to send shivers down my spine. "My dear Miss Dashwood, are you hiding back here?" I heard Edward call as he came around the side of my dad's house.

I could feel Jake's are tighten on my shoulder and I felt the childish impulse to dash it away, but I maintained my control and just kept walking. The minute Edward appeared I felt like running and leaping into his arms. Obviously not a notion I would be acting on. Our friendship was very new but I felt as if I had known Edward for years. He and I had managed to just fall in sync with each other. Not something his numerous girlfriends seemed to be fond of. And trust me, there seemed to be a never-ending stream of them. But none of them were quite as mean as the infamous Tanya, so it wasn't anything I couldn't deal with. Edward had had a wonderful smile on his face while he was calling my name, but I noticed his smile had fallen and he was eyeing Jake's arm wrapped around my shoulder. _What was that about?_ Of course apparently Jake noticed too and only squeezed tighter. As gracefully as I could manage, I slipped out from underneath Jake's arm and crossed the distance between Jake and Edward, with Jake close on my heels.

"Hey what's up?" I asked Edward smiling, stopping myself before I could do something foolish, like wrapping my arms around him…..maybe my legs too…hmmm…_Geez Bella!_ I mentally slapped myself, hormones much?

"Hey yourself" He replied, a small shadow replacing his scowl. "I was gonna run to the diner and grab some dinner, and I saw Charlie wasn't home from the station yet, so I figured I'd see if you want to eat. " I smiled big; this was the second time Edward had done this. He did the same thing last week, and while the dinner was nothing but friendly conversation I had enjoyed myself thoroughly and liked that he felt comfortable enough to invite me out to dinner. Even if it was just as buddies.

I was about to tell him yes when I heard a throat clear behind me. CRAP I had forgot Jake was even there. Edward had that effect on me. I turned around and motioned to Jake.

"Edward, this is my friend Jake, our families have been friends for a long time. Jake this is Edward. We go to school together." I hoped Edward didn't notice how my voice faltered on his name. Edward held his hand out to Jake, and Jake took it, both of them nodding to each other. I thought I saw Jacob wince a little at the contact. "Um..." I wasn't really sure what to say. I didn't want to just abandon Jacob, but I really, _really_ wanted to go with Edward.

Thankfully Jacob answered before I could say anything. "I was gonna head out anyway Bella, so I'll see you later, right?" "Yeah, sure."I replied nodding. And then He surprised me, by leaning in and kissing me on the cheek. Jake had I had always been friendly but not _that_ friendly. I could feel myself blushing tomato red as Jake walked away. "Nice meeting you Edward." He called over his shoulder. I didn't hear Edwards reply, I was too busy being mortified.

"Bella, you get any more red, and I'm gonna take you to my dad to make sure you're not having a heart attack. " I shook my head at Edward and gave him my best mean look, which wasn't really hard. After the embarrassment of Jacob's actions ebb, anger made its way to the surface. Who in the hell did Jake think he was pulling that kind of stunt? And in front of Edward no less! Fan-freaking-tastic!

"Aw Bella, don't get embarrassed." Edward said to me as we started walking around the front to his car. "Your boyfriends jealous." "What?" I practically shrieked at him. "He is NOT my boyfriend for one, and there's nothing for him to be jealous about for two!" Edward stopped me with his hand on my elbow before I could walk directly into his car in my fit on anger. "Whoa, Bella-roo ! Calm the hell down. I was just teasing you!" he said to me. I huffed and blew the hair that had fallen over my eyes off of my forehead.

"Whatever. That just pissed me off. That wasn't like him." Edward opened the passenger door for me and I plopped myself into the seat without an ounce of grace. Edward walked around the front of his car and got in and turned the car on.

"Bella, it's pretty simple. Boys do stupid things for pretty girls. It's that easy. We're not that hard to figure out. "

"Ha!" I said back to him "That's a crock of shit Edward. He's been acting weird all week and that was just the icing on the cake." Edward just laughed at me and shook his head and put the car in reverse. He placed his arm on the back of my seat as he looked over his shoulder and backed out of my driveway. "For someone so smart, you sure can be dumb sometimes, Bella." He said laughing at me. I just scowled at him and crossed my arms over my chest "Right back at ya Cullen, now shut up and take me to dinner. " "Yes ma'am." He replied still laughing and put the car in drive.

_Sighing I came back to the present._ I smiled to myself as I got up from the porch swing. Edward would inevitably be in my dreams tonight. But unlike nights in past, I would welcome them tonight. Maybe, just maybe, I could find a way to fix this. Trouble was I would have to tell him of all the things that had been broken first.


	10. Chapter 10

******Author's note: I am so very sorry everyone! Life, the cruel heartless b*tch that she is, threw me many curve balls over that last little while. Now that I am past it I am back with a vengeance! Hope you all haven't given up on me! As always these fun little people belong to Mrs. Meyer...I just cant seem to let them go lol!*****

"I said I heard you." I yelled back at Rose. I was driving to work and Rose had called me extremely early this morning to start berating me about the possibility of a date with Edward. "Look Bella, the point is, you can't not talk to him about it."

"Christ with Cheeto-s Ro, don't you think I know that? Good lord isn't it a little early for this conversation?" I asked eyeing the clock on my dashboard with disdain.

"If you ask me Swan, its far over due if anything." Rose replies smugly. I sighed. It was entirely way too early to be this frustrated already. So much for my warm fuzzies I had last night. Rose had already drilled me the entire time I was doing my hair, getting dressed, eating breakfast, which incidentally went into the trash can rather than getting eaten, and now we could add the entire drive to work to that list I thought to myself, as I pulled in the parking lot.

"Rose, not now ok? I get it, but you have got to cut me a little slack here."

"You know that's not my style kitten." She replied softly. "Sometimes you need pushing, and its my job to push." I sighed extremely loudly into the phone.

"I know it Ro." "Shut up, you love me. Go have a good day at the shop hooker." She said. And just like that my anger had faded. Rose may be hard on me, but I knew she always had the best intentions.

"Yeah, yeah, you love me too. Go sell something pretty." I said back, and disconnected the call. Truth be told I could never stay mad at Rose for long, and she knew it. She knew just how to play me. But then again I think Rose had figured me out from day one.

"And so now what?" Angela asked. I had relayed the story of running into Edward. Angela and I were close but there were things she didn't know either. However she remembered Edward fondly from high school, and I felt it my duty to tell her he was home to visit.

"And so now, well I don't know."

"Well why don't you call him?"

"Ang seriously, it was just yesterday. I don't think I need to call him within 24 hours. That seems a little extreme. Plus it's kind of awkward. I haven't really seen him in years. For all I know he's not even the same person I remember. Hell, I don't know if I'm the same person he remembers either. "

Before Ang could respond to my statement, the bell over the door chimed and in walked Jacob. With a smile he sauntered over to the counter where Ang and I had been perched gossiping. He laid his hand on top of mine, and leaned across the counter to give me a swift kiss on the cheek.

"Morning ladies, how's the fort holding up?" I smiled as best I could and said

"Good. Getting ready for story time here in tiny bit."

"Cool.", replied Jake. "I'm going to head up to Pt. Angeles for the day and I thought I'd check and see if you needed anything while I was up there Bells." He said facing me.

"Nah, I'm good. I got a list at home set aside. I was thinking about heading up this weekend to take care of it all."

"Hey, that's cool. I just thought I'd asked." Jake replied. I'm not sure what it was but something about his demeanor seemed almost defensive. Once again, I sighed internally. Jake wanted me to depend on him; to need him. And when I didn't he always seemed to get a little fussy. Over time this friendship was starting to become a little more than I had ever bargained for. And then I began to wonder if Edward had ever felt that way about me.

"Did you hear the Cullen twins are back in town?" Ang asked Jacob. Jacob made a face and eyed me closely.

"Yeah I saw Alice over at Bella's the other night. As for Edward, well..."

Ang of course was trying to go for her Chatty-Cathy award today apparently. "Bella ran into Edward yesterday, didn't you, Bells?" I nodded my head and had to look away from Jacob. I could almost feel the heat that instantly radiated off of him.

"What did that asshole say to you Bella?" Jacob growled. Angela gasped, a little shocked at his outburst. Again, she didn't know the half of it.

"He didn't say anything Jacob, he was perfectly nice.

"Oh, right. So pretty boy can just walk away and the think years later…"

"Enough!" I growled at Jacob. "This is not the time, not the place, and it is NOT your business." I said to him.

"It is my business Bella. He wasn't there! I was! I saw every moment of what happened! I lived through that, not him!" I closed my eyes, trying to block out the barrage of memories and to stop the impending nausea.

"Get out of the store Jacob. Do not talk to me again until you have figured out how to calm yourself down and grow up a little, either." I could feel Jacob back away from the counter. I slowly opened my eyes to look at him and took a deep breath.

"Fine Bella", he said quietly walking backward out of the store. "Just don't get yourself in the same mess again. I won't help you through it a second damn time." He stated and shoved his way out the door so hard I was afraid it would come off the hinges. Ang looked at me extremely confused.

"I'm sorry Bella. I have no idea what that even was, but if anything I said…"

"Stop," I told her. "You did nothing wrong." I smiled one of my fakest smiles and went to the back to grab a bottle of water. I stayed in the back for a few minutes to calm down until I heard little voice of Jackson in the front of the store. Story time was about to begin and I needed to get my game face on.

I waited while all the children clapped, and flipped to my final story. I was reading the kids some Shel Silverstein, and when I did poetry I always did quite a few, otherwise story time would be over in 2 minutes. My hat for the day was a tiara, chosen by a beautiful little five year old girl, whose name so help me was escaping me today. I seriously needed to get with the program.

"The final story for today is called "The Giving Tree." I told the children. "This is one of my very favorites, and I hope very much that you like it too." The kids all eyed me with interest as I began.

"Once there was a tree… and she loved a little boy."

I loved the rapt attention the children listened with, and read it to them very slowly; letting the message of the story sink in. I was almost near the end when I heard the bell over my door chime once more. The sound was almost obscenely loud with the quiet of story time.

""I don't need very much now", said the boy. "Just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired"". I read to the children as I looked up to the door. I faltered in my reading as I realized Edward Cullen was standing at the very back of all the children. My heart tugged out of my chest as if trying to jump over them to get to him. He has my beautiful smile plastered all over his face. His hands were shoved into the pockets of an Adidas windbreaker over a black t-shirt, and well worn jeans slug low on his hips. My mouth went dry, and I realized I had forgotten where I was in the story. I looked back down in my book to continue reading, trying to find my voice, when I heard Edward, from the back say.

"Well", said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could, "well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down… sit down and rest".And the boy did. And the tree was happy…The End."

All the children were turned around looking at Edward and started clapping and smiling. I, however still had not found my voice. I didn't know what to do. I laid the book aside in my basket, to put it back on the shelf, and went to pull the tiara from off my head. Of course, the tiny combs were stuck in my hair and I began tugging trying to get the damn thing off. I could see the children pairing off with their parents and milling through the children's books section. Ang had picked up Jackson and was now standing talking to Edward. Edwards's attention seemed to be split between her, and my ridiculous attempt to get the tiara off my head, and I swear he was trying not to laugh at me. _Damn you Chuck Norris, just a little bit of help would be nice!_ I thought to myself. After one final tug it pulled from my hair. I patted my hair down in an attempt to smooth out all the knots I knew had formed, sucked in a deep breath and headed in their direction. I smiled and nodded to some of the parents as I made my way over stopping here and there to talk to them and their children. I loved this part of my job. When I got to talk to parents, and hear them tell me how much their little ones loved coming to story time. I stopped to talk to one mother specifically telling me that her daughter was over picking out "The Giving Tree" today to take home. All the while I was aware of Edwards's eyes on me. It was a strange feeling, equal parts exciting and nerve wracking just the same.

After I had finished my conversation with the woman, I took the two final steps over to Angela and Edward.

Before I could even say a word Jackson cried out" Bel-ly!" and squirmed in his mommas arms reaching out for me. I took him from Angela's arms and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"So what did you think of today's story?" I asked him. He pulled a face at me and said "Sad."

"Sad? Why Jack?"

The sweet thing looked almost near tears as he said "The boy cut the tree down." I smiled a little a rubbed my nose against his and said "But the tree was happy Jack. The tree was happy to give the little boy everything she could, just so that the little boy would be happy. The tree loved him that much."

He looked a little too thoughtful for a child and then whispered "Like mommy loves Jackson?" And there it was. My job, done. I smiled widely and said "Yes, just like your mommy loves you." I could feel the beginning of tears sneaking up on me and planted a kiss quickly on his forehead to give myself something to do. I realized I had forgotten that Edward was standing right there and I met his eyes with a shy smile. He smiled back in answer and I turned my attention back to Jackson.

"So listen , I want you to be a big helper to mommy ok? And if your mommy tells me you were very, very good for her, I'll let you pick out the story for Saturday, ok?"

His whole face lit up as he nodded his head."O.K. I be good for mommy, belly, I promise!" "

OK baby, now you and mommy need to head home." I said smiling as I set Jackson down and he took Angela's hand smiling. I said goodbye and thanked her for coming in.

"No prob, Bella, you know I love it here." She said. I noticed Edwards eyes looked confused for a moment, but cleared when Angela faced him and said "It was great was to see you again, Edward. I hope you'll be in town for a while." Edward smiled and nodded at her, but his attention was on me. As they made their way to the front of the store I put my hands in my back pockets, unsure what to do.

It was so awkward. Here stood the boy that had been my very best friend. And I had no idea what to say or do. It was the first time I met him all over again, but he was no longer a boy. He was a grown man. _And a damn fine looking one too at that, my brain added._

"Hey." I said. Oh my god Bella, how lame can you be I cringed internally.

"Hey" he replied in kind, running his hand through his hair. "I'm, uh, I'm really sorry about yesterday. You know with the food and all…"

He waved his hand at me "Oh it was no big deal. Nothing that didn't wash out, anyway." He smiled at me. And, again with the extremely awkward silence.

"So, what brings you in today?" I asked him. I figured if I treated him as a customer that would give me somewhere to go with the conversation. I never had problems talking to someone who came into the store to buy something.

"Well, Alice said I had to come check this place out. It's nice Forks finally has its own book store. It's really quaint. Do you like working here?" He asked. Apparently Alice hadn't told him the store was mine, and I felt no immediate need to correct him.

"Yeah, I like it. I love coming into work which is more than a lot of people can say." I replied. "Was there anything you were looking for while you were here?" I said, waving my hands around the shelves.

"No, not really I just wanted to take a look around." He said. "You read the kids stories every day?"

"No, not every day; Tuesdays, Thursday, and Saturdays."

"Does Ang read the other days he asked?"

"Oh no," I told him, "She just comes in to help me on story time days cause those are my busiest times, and that way if someone comes in during a story, I don't have to make either them or the children wait while I help the other." He cocked his head at me.

"You have Angela come in?" He asked. Well crap I had ousted myself on that one.

"Yeah." I said. He turned his head towards the children's corner, and looked back at me. Then he turned and walked back to my box of hats for story time. He pulled out the gaudy jeweled head piece in there and looked back at me.

"This is from when you went as Cleopatra, right?" I smiled and nodded at him. He seemed to take in the store with new eyes and turned with a huge smile on his face. "This is yours, isn't it?" He asked spreading his arms out in a gesture of the store. I nodded my head. "No shit, Bella?" he asked. I had to laugh.

"No shit Edward." I stated back.

"Well holy shit Swan! Were you gonna tell me or just let me stand here like an idiot?"

"I don't know." I laughed back. "Idiot looks pretty good on you." I said. He threw his head back and laughed.

"Jesus, I'm glad I didn't start asking if your boss was some slave driving bitch or anything!"

I smiled again and said "I am though. I work my own self pretty hard. I don't know how an actual boss could do worse. "I replied.

"Wow Bella. Just wow. This is some fucking shit, you know that? Good for you!" He said.

"You always did have a way with words." I laughed at him. He stepped closer and made a movement like he thought about hugging me, and then stopped, swinging his arms awkwardly at his sides.

"Well, hey, look. Mom is cooking this big dinner tomorrow for Alice and I. Alice is having a couple people over. I'm sure she'll be telling you about it but I thought I'd invite you first. It always used to piss her off when I beat her to the punch." He said.

"Yeah, sure, I'd love to."

What?! What had I just agreed to? Dinner? At his parents' house! With Carlisle and Emse? Oh god what if they told him? What if they decided to tell him after I came over? Oh Jesus. But it was too late. I couldn't change my mind now.

"Well, okay then. " He said with my crooked smile across his face. And then he reached forward and hugged me. It caught me so off guard that my arms were still down at my sides, and he ended up more hugging my upper arms than anything while I just stood there. He pulled away quickly and said "Seven okay by you?"

"Yeah, seven's good. I'll see you then." "Catch you later Bella-rina." He said with a wink.

The instant he was out the door I sagged against the counter. Oh what had I done? I could figure out if I should jump around like a giddy 13 year old, or go start a new career as an alcoholic at the local bar. Sighing I lifted my head up and stared straight at the flower drawn on my calendar. Either way I went I was running out of time. I would have to tell him soon. I could feel it in the marrow of my bones. I looked around the store making sure it was empty before I walked into the back and grabbed my cell phone out of my purse. I punched in the number and waited while it rang.

"Hi-ya!" squeaked a little voice.

"So Alice…about that life size Bella-Barbie thing…" I said she squealed, loudly. I had to pull the phone away from my ear.

"Go on!" She prompted.

"What do I wear to dinner at your parent's house tomorrow?" I asked.

"That asshole asked you first! Damn it he knows how much I hate that!" I had to laugh. Edward had been right. Some things never change. "Ok Bella," Alice began, kicking into over drive. "I'll call Rose and we'll meet you at your house tonight. Here's what I want you to do…"

*****Well? What do you think? XOXOXOXO**


	11. Chapter 11

*****Author's Note: Thanks everyone for your continued support! Reviews are like candy! And as always, these lovely characters do not belong to me. I just like to twist them around! On with the story!********

I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard. Rose, Alice, and I were crowded around my coffee table in various stages of trying to pull ourselves together. For some reason we had forgone the sofa, and were seated on the floor with glasses of wine and really greasy pizza. Yeah, it may not sound like the most appetizing combination but it was just what I needed.

"Bella stop or this nail polish will be all over your carpet". Alice proclaimed. I wiped the tears of laughter from my eyes with my undone hand and tried to stop the giggles. Rose had just done what is possibly the best impression of my father I had ever seen and every time I looked at her I started laughing all over again. Rose smirked down at the carpet trying not to look me in the eye for fear of making me laugh another time.

"Honestly, Rose, you make me laugh like that again while I'm painting Bella's nails and shes gonna end up wearing "pistol packin' pink" on her forehead." Alice giggled at Rose. Rose grabbed her wine glass off the coffee table in attempt to do something other than distract us.

After getting off the phone with Alice earlier I had finished out my day at the store without any other hiccups. She had declared that she and Rose would meet me at my house. Alice brought the wine and Rose brought the pizza. I had talked to them about seeing Edward at the store and how he had invited me to dinner, which Alice had already known but was insistent I replay the story all over again to Rose. I wasn't allowed to give the cliff's-notes version. By the time I had gotten to the house, Alice had already invited Rose to the dinner as well. I was relieved to have to extra cushion. I was even more pleased at the friendship growing between Alice and Rose. We had formed a happy little trio in only a matter of days.

I tried to hold as still as possible while Alice painted my left hand.

"Really Alice, I'm not sure what nail polish is supposed to accomplish. " I said.

"Bella, it's not going to do anything but hide your bitten finger nails. You bite these damn things down to stubs. The point is I know you're not going to be wearing makeup so I'm adding a touchy of girly to you." She smiled at me.

"I wear a little from time to time Al. It just seem s like too much hassle. No one is coming into the bookstore to look at me. They come for the books."

"Yeah…all except for my brother." Alice giggled, and Rose laughed along.

""Alice you know that's not true." I frowned at her.

"Bella, for someone so smart, you really can be stupid." Alice replied.

"Alice, don't be flattering. You saw the girls he dated in high school. I look nothing like them. I'm pretty much the polar opposite."

"Ever think that was the point Bella?" Rose chimed in. I looked at Rose for a moment while I considered that statement.

"That wouldn't make any sense Rose. If he had been interested, then why date them? Why wait that long to say something?" Why talk to me about all those girls?" I spouted off.

"To make you jealous? To get a reaction out of you? Because he was a stupid teenage boy, and they all do stupid things. I'm pretty sure it's part of their gender's make-up?" Alice prattled off.

"Besides", Rose added, "you never said anything either."

I was once again silent. "That's beside the point." I said eventually.

Alice snorted in a very un-ladylike manner. Thankfully Rose decided to change the subject.

"So Bella, has Alice told you who else she invited to dinner?" Rose asked, giving Alice a sly grin.

That was all the prompting needed to start Alice in a new chain of conversation. Alice had apparently asked Rose if there was any way she could bring her brother, Jasper along. Alice and Jasper had talked on the phone once or twice since their meeting at the restaurant and I could tell Alice was definitely interested. I was a little surprised that Alice had asked, but that was Alice. She had always kept me on my toes. And well, Jasper was so laid back and relaxed he felt at home in all situations, so in that turn I wasn't surprised that he had agreed.

"He said he'd come of course." Rose stated. "I'm pretty sure he's a little smitten." She added.

"Oh Rose, I do hope you're right. " Alice squeaked at her. "You're sure you don't mind?" She asked.

"Nah, as far as I can see you're pretty sane." Rose laughed at Alice. Alice Pulled a pillow off my sofa and chucked it at Rose's head, which Rose dodged easily.

"Gee thanks bitch!" Alice laughed at her. "So happy I'm not setting off any 'Fatal Attraction' alarms!"

Rose and I laughed at Alice, and her pathetic attempt to hit Rose with the pillow.

"Seriously Alice, you don't know me well enough. I'm very protective of my brother. If I weren't okay with it I would have said something the moment you two were introduced." Rose told her smiling.

"It's great that you two are so close." Alice stated, starting in on the nails of my right hand.

"Well, our parents didn't look out for us very well, so we learned to watch out for each other." Rose stated bluntly. I tried to convey with my eyes to Alice that we were approaching a dangerous subject. Rose didn't talk about her past. I only knew about it due to having seen the after effects of it.

"Oh." Alice said. I felt bad because I could tell Alice wasn't sure what else to say. I'm sure she was curious, but she stifled her pension for playing '20 questions' better than normal.

"Well, then its good you two had each other." Alice said as she studied her finished project on my nails.

"Yeah." Rose agreed after she had tipped back the last of her wine. After that I watched while Rose and Alice raided my closet to find me something acceptable to wear. This was much harder than I thought it would be. It seemed that, according to Alice, I owned nothing that was acceptable. I kept vetoing her choices, and she declared I was being impossible. After a while we had finally all agreed on a pair of designer jeans I owned paired with a deep purple sweater which Rose had declared showed a "respectable" amount of cleavage, and a pair of calf length zip up boots. I wasn't big on the boots, I had bought them because I found them too pretty to resist but I didn't actually wear them. It felt like tempting fate to pair heels, and my pension for tripping over flat surfaces together. Once the outfit was chosen we said our goodnights.

"Don't you dare put tennis shoes on Bella." Alice said as I walked them to the door. "It would ruin the whole outfit."

"Then don't be surprised when I fall in your foyer." I said back to her sweetly.

"Enough ladies." Rose said. "Bella needs her beauty sleep. We'll see you tomorrow Bella." I nodded at Rose.

"Seven o'clock. Don't be late" Alice warned me.

"Wouldn't dream of it." I replied. I watched as they both got in their cars and pulled out of the driveway, and then slowly shut the front door. I walked into the living room and collected the pizza box and wine glasses, after cleaning up the rest of our mess. I deposited the pizza in the fridge, and began washing the glasses out in the sink. Tomorrow is going to be an exhausting day, I thought to myself.

I was really happy I had decided to leave the boots in my car and wear my sneakers while I was in the shop. I had gotten a lot of random comments all day. People saying my hair looked nice, and that I looked 'very pretty' today. I was starting to wonder if I looked like shit the rest of the time since all these people felt compelled to tell me these things. Though I was sure if they had looked down at me feet they would have changed their minds. Alice really was right. My sneakers looked terribly out of place with everything else I had on. Because of it, I had tried to stay behind the counter as much as I possibly could.

I let out a big sigh as I flipped off my lights. After one last look around the back office I walked out and locked the back door behind me. I was too preoccupied putting the keys to the store away in my purse to notice Jacob leaning up against my car until I almost walked straight into him with a scream. Since it was fall, the sun was already starting to set at 6:30, and I hadn't thought to leave the light in the back lot on.

"Shit Jacob you scared me!" I said clutching my hands to my chest.

"I was standing right here Bella. Not my fault you weren't looking where you were going." He laughed at me. "You look really pretty."

"Thanks." I said. I was still angry at Jacob's outburst in front of Angela yesterday and wasn't really sure what he was doing hanging out in the parking lot. Usually if Jake needed something he just came into the store. "What are you doing here, anyway?" I asked him.

"I figured we could ride together." He said." Here, I brought you these." He said handing me a small bouquet of lilies. I wasn't sure if the choice in flower was a dig at me, or a sincere way of apologizing. But why in the hell would he be going to the Cullen's house too that I would ride with him?

"What do you mean ride together Jake?" I asked.

"To my dad's." He replied looking at me a little confused.

Shit, shit, and double shit! That was tonight! In my Edward induced haze I had totally forgot that my dad and I were supposed to be going to the Black's house for dinner. Oh I was so royally screwed now. Regardless I didn't feel like hanging out with Jake. I was still sorely pissed off at him.

"Jake," I said. "I'm sorry but I can't go."

"What do you mean you can't go?" He asked, looking a little angry.

"I have other plans." I said.

"With that asshole?" I instantly bristled at his statement.

"No, with Rose and Alice." I snapped back. Technically yes…with Edward too. But I wasn't about to add fuel to an already growing fire.

"So, you two talked it all out? Everything's all roses and unicorns again?" he shot back angrily.

"No Jake, we've barely talked at all. And besides, I just said my plans weren't with him."

"Did you tell him Bella?" He glared at me. I lifted my chin and squared my shoulders.

"I will tell him when the time comes, and not a moment before then." I told him quietly, trying my best to steel e my temper.

"Well then." Jacob said back, lowering his voice to a menacing tone."It would be a damn shame if someone else told him before you had a chance." He threatened me. I felt my eyes go wide and I sucked in a breath. It felt like I had just been punched in the stomach. Jacob continued on before I could say anything. "You think I can't take him? You think I haven't driven past there a hundred times? Maybe I'll take him with me next time. That should be interesting! 'Hey Edward, you want to know what's over there? Well let me tell you, it's…"

"You shut up! You shut up right now! Don't you fucking dare Jacob!"I screamed at the top of my lungs. I could feel my grip on myself slip away. He would not, could not do this to me. "It's not for you to do! Don't you dare do this to me. If our friendship ever meant anything to you, you will take that back!" I yelled at him.

"Maybe you should really rethink your last statement Bella. Obviously it's you who doesn't care about this friendship. "He shot back at me. He threw the flowers on the pavement at me feet and walked to the driver's side of his truck. Without another glance at me he put the truck in drive and peeled out of my lot.

I threw my purse across the front seat of my car and sat down on the driver's seat sideways, half in and half out of the car with my forehead in my hands. I took a few deep breathes and willed my heart rate to slow. With shaking hands I pulled my phone out of my purse and dialed my dad's phone number. I continued my deep breathing until my dad picked up.

"Hey princess." My dad said by way of greeting.

"Hey Chief." I said.

"You headed over to the Black's" He asked me.

"No dad. I'm sorry, but do you mind if I don't go?"

"No, that's okay bells, but is everything ok?" My dad asked me.

"Jacob and I got in a fight. I accidentally made other plans. I completely forgot about dinner tonight, and now after fighting with Jake, I don't think I'd go anyway, even if I hadn't made other plans." I told him.

"Well hon, that's up to you. But don't be so hard on Jake. You know how much he cares about you." My dad told me. This was the kind of shit I really didn't need to hear right now. I sucked a breath in through my teeth and tried to reply as calmly as I could.

"Well, when you pair that with the things he said tonight you sure wouldn't say that. Anyway you know it's not like that dad. At least for me it isn't."

"I know that sweetie," my dad told me, "Was it really that bad?"

"Yeah dad. It was."

"Okay, well you know what's best for you." See what I mean about my dad? Not big on the 'talking things out' approach. "What are your big plans for the night then?" Again I mentally grimaced. I wasn't sure how my dad would take to the topic of me seeing Edward, but I certainly wasn't going to lie to him either.

"I'm going over to the Cullen's. Alice invited me over for dinner. " Technically it wasn't a lie. She had asked me. It was just that Edward had asked me first.

"Alice Cullen back in town? How did I miss that news? As for that brother of hers…" my dad said. I decided to nip this in the bud as quick as I could.

"Hey dad, remember how you just said I know what's best for me?" I asked him. I heard Charlie grunt into the phone knowing I'd just trapped him in a loophole. "See?" I stated."The it doesn't matter if he's back in town, does it?" I hedged.

"Just be careful, that's all I'm gonna say." My father said to me.

"I will dad, okay?"

"Alright sweetie. I love you." My dad told me.

"Love you too dad." I replied and disconnected the call.

After a few more moments I stared the car and began the drive to the Cullen's. The whole way there I kept giving myself a pep talk and trying to calm down. If I couldn't handle it I could always leave. After I pulled in the driveway I changed my shoes around and grabbed my purse. I went slowly up the walkway, willing myself not to fall until I was up the three short steps to the porch.

I closed my eyes and took one more deep breath as I reached my hand out and rang the doorbell…


	12. Chapter 12

***** Author's Note: Once again, and as always, thank you to everyone reading, reviewing, following! It's beyond appreciated! Theses characters do not belong to me. I just like changing the rules of the game. Away we go!******

The door opened and the warmth rushed out to meet me along with the scent of cinnamon. Esme stood in the doorway looking just as she had when I last saw her. Even in this small town I had managed to avoid her and the Dr. for quite a few years. She was wearing a deep green cashmere sweater over a pair of black dress slacks and her dark auburn hair was pulled back from her face in a loose chignon. Her makeup was understated and she was simply stunning. Her face broke into a wide smile when her eyes met mine and she opened her arms and pulled me into a hug. The scent of her perfume in my nose was its very own kind of homecoming.

"Isabella. Oh it's so good to see you." She said holding me at arm's length. "When Alice told me you were coming, well it was a good combination of shock and delight!" She said to me.

"Thank you so much for having me Esme, it's very nice of you to welcome me into your home." I said to her, smiling.

"Stop, none of that now. You know you've always been welcome here. Why you stayed away so long is beyond me." She said.

"Well, I just thought…" I began, but she cut me off.

"Well you thought wrong. Now enough standing outside. It's getting so cold so quick these days. Let's go inside and let everyone know you're here." She said as she pulled me into the house with her. I hung my jacket up in the front hall closet out of habit and followed Esme into the vast kitchen where everyone seemed to be.

"Bella! You're finally here!" Alice squealed at me almost knocking me over with a hug. You would think I hadn't just seen the girl 24 hours ago.

"Alice it's seven. I'm right on time. You make me sound late. "I replied hugging her back. I couldn't take much more hugging in these boots. I sent up my usual prayer to Chuck Norris that he would stay with me in my time of need. Alice waved her hands at me as if to dismiss what I was saying and went around the long kitchen island to pour me a glass of wine. I watched as Dr. Cullen approached me with a soft smile. He hugged me in a very brief one arm hug and kept his hand on my shoulder.

"It's good to see you again, Bella. How have you been?" He asked me. I could see him assessing me with his doctor's look.

"I'm good Dr. Cullen. Thank you. How has the hospital been treating you?" I asked back.

"Carlisle, Bella. And it's been good. Amazed you've managed to keep yourself out of it." He joked at me. I laughed at his statement. It had been years since I had been in the Forks hospital. I had actually taken up going to a doctor in Pt. Angeles. Again, just another way I attempted to separate my past from my future.

"Is that little Bella I hear?" Emmett thundered as he walked into the kitchen. I turned around with a huge smile on my face. Emmett had been the epitome of the 'big bear brother' and I was elated to see him. I noticed Edward walked into the room behind him and he leaned himself against the doorframe with his arms across his chest and a slight smile on his face. Unlike the others, Emmett didn't hug me as much as enveloped me. He lifted me off my feet and spun me in a slight circle. "Hey pretty lady, so nice of you to grace us with your presence." He said setting me down. I had to hang on to his shoulders to regain my balance.

"Good God Emmett, did you eat a house since I last saw you? You're huge!" I said. It was true. Emmett was always a force to be reckoned with, but it seemed he had doubled in size. He chuckled and patted me on the shoulder.

"Nah little Bella. Just finally growing into my awesome figure." I heard Rose clear her throat from the back of the kitchen and turned to look over my shoulder at her. She seemed to catch Emmett's attention also as he walked me in her direction. "And who might this be?"He asked. Alice chimed in before Rose could answer.

"This Is Bella's friend Rosalie. Her brother Jasper is here too." She added motioning to Jasper who was very close to Alice's side. Emmett cleared the space between he and Rose in a matter of steps and in a cheesy gesture he lifted her hand to his lips and placed a kiss on her knuckles.

"Enchanted." He said as he lifted his head. I waited for Rose's typical sarcasm but to my surprise I think she might have actually been blushing. Alice shot me a look and I shook my head to indicate I didn't understand either.

"Well come on everyone. I've got dinner in the dining room and it'll get cold if we don't sit to eat soon." Esme began shooing us out of the kitchen and into the dining room. I followed the flow of people ending up last in line until I hit the doorway where Edward was standing. He smiled at me as he pushed away from the door frame.

"Hey." He said. Well, apparently this was going to be our new way of greeting each other. I'd give anything to be past this awkwardness. Oh well, I thought as I smiled at him. In all honesty I had come to grips on the car ride over that my main purpose for coming was to talk to Edward. Or at least try anyway. No amount of cleavage or nail polish was going to make up for the things I had to tell him and I had to be prepared to have him out of my life again as quick as he had reappeared. I had a long list of things in my life that had needed sorting out for far too long.

Dinner was wonderful. It felt good to sit around the table with the Cullen's again, and the addition of Rose and Jasper only added to the fun. I watched as Emmett flirted shamelessly with Rose, and as Rose blushed with every statement. It was odd to see Rose seem so shy. I didn't know if it was Emmett or the combination of all the new people. Esme took to her instantly as well. I also observed that Alice and Jasper seemed to share in quiet conversation. Dr. Cullen was charming as always, keeping us laughing with stories of the hospital, of course leaving out any names.

Edward and I had been seated across from each other and I tried hard not to stare. The things Alice had said were going through my head. Had he been trying to get my attention all those years ago and I just didn't recognize it? Nah. I wasn't about to plant myself on that one. He ran around with half the girls in our grade. Though I wasn't free of my own faults; flaws. I was just never one to judge others by theirs alone. I shook my head to try to clear my thoughts and join back into the present.

"Something on your brain, stumblina?" Edward asked me as he set his glass down. "You seem very quiet."

"No, nothing in particular." I said back to him. I was acutely aware of his parent's eyes on me. He did not seem to notice however.

"Seriously Bella, you looked like you were trying to solve the world's problems over homemade lasagna." He joked at me.

"Sorry. The store must have wiped me out today more than I realized." I replied lamely. It was becoming unbearable to be around him and know I needed to tell him. My gut had begun slowly twisting over dinner and the more I tried to ignore it the more pronounced it came.

Esme stood slowly from the table stating "Well Edward, not all of us are on a vacation here. Some of us still have to work every day. Leave the poor girl alone." She picked up her plate and the rest of us followed suit, helping to clear the table and carry things into the kitchen. Edward held his hands up in fake surrender and said.

"I'm just joking with her mom, not unless Bella's lost her sense of humor over the years."

"Or maybe Bella's wised up and your humor's no longer funny, Edward." Emmett ribbed back. I noticed Emmett had picked up both he and Roses plates to carry into the kitchen. Roses didn't seem to know what to do with herself so she began collecting the other dishes along with Jasper. Edwards's brow furrowed at Emmett's statement and he looked at me. I had to laugh at his facial expression and I shook my head to assure him that wasn't the case.

After the dining room had been cleared and the kitchen cleaned we all sort of drifted off. Carlisle had excused himself to his office to finish up some work and Esme had some calls to make to one of her projects she was working on tomorrow. Alice, Rose, Jasper and Emmett were in the living room watching some comedy show on TV. I had sat for a moment but instantly restless had gotten up and wandered through the sliding glass door that led back to their back patio. I had leaned against the railing at was looking out over their back yard watching my breath cloud in front of my face. I heard someone come outside and stand beside me and my nose was assaulted with the scent of fresh brewed coffee.

"Still take it with cream and sugar, I hope." Edward said, handing a mug to me. I wrapped my hands around the cup for warmth and smiled at him.

"Yes. Thank you. Though over time I've decided they should make 'big-gulp cups' for people like me so the size would be more accurate. "I joked at him. I brought the cup to my lips, blowing away the steam and took a small sip. The hot liquid was just what I needed to fight the chill of the outside. Though right now Vodka would have probably been better suited, and might give me the extra push of courage I needed to say what needed to be said.

"So," I started lamely" I've been meaning to talk to you." I said.

"Oh yeah I'm sure. That's why you always returned my calls." He said, nudging me with his elbow.

"No honestly." I began again. "I know we parted on…well on pretty rough terms, and I didn't mean for it to happen that way." I said.

"Bella, seriously I get it okay. We don't need to go through all of this." He said before taking a sip of his coffee.

"Well you may not have to, but I do. And I feel like if I don't I might just explode. Until I talk about it, I won't be able to be comfortable around you." I said.

"Well then by all means let's begin shall we?" He said bitterly. "You and I were best friends. We crossed over some taboo line of friendship and did something we shouldn't have. You trusted me and I took something from you that wasn't mine to have. I was the equivalent of a man-whore, and what right did I have to expect you to trust me? I showed up at your house out of nowhere after weeks of not talking and told you to move across the country with me. You turned me down because you knew you'd be better off than to go with me. Do I have it all right?" He said leaning his back against the railing and took another long sip of his coffee.

"No, well I mean yes, parts of it, but that's not all of it." I said back to him. "I didn't even understand why you asked me to go in the first place. Wouldn't I have cramped your style on the dating front?"

"Bella, you honestly don't see the forest for the trees, do you?" He sighed. "Look I thought, well I don't know what I thought." He said scratching his head. "Yeah okay, so I dated a lot of girls. Whatever. It didn't occur to me I was going about it wrong. I didn't realize really until that night. At prom. I didn't mean for all that to happen. I mean, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it but…"

I was a little stunned. What did he mean he had thought about it? He continued on.

"I just never wanted to lose you as a friend. You were my best friend Bells. I didn't want to jeopardize that. But after that night I thought…well I thought things had changed. The idea of being able to keep you…not only as my friend, but as my girlfriend...well I thought we could give it a try. I was out of time. I had come to that conclusion too late. Asking you to go with me was the only was the only way I knew how to make it work. But don't worry, you set me straight." He gave me a small smile. "And in the end you were probably right."

I let out a deep breath I didn't even realize I had been holding. "Edward…I didn't mean to be so mean with you. There were a lot of things I needed to tell you and when you showed up at my house that day and asked me to go, well I was shocked. I was still wrapping my head around what had happened, and you just threw another log on the fire." I said to him quietly.

"Well I never was one for subtlety." He laughed at himself. "Seriously Bella, I'd be happy if we could just keep all that behind us. Just be friends again? Yeah?." He asked. My gut twisted. I knew that was the most I should think about anymore; us being able to be friends. But he still hadn't let me finish my side of the story.

"Look Edward, after that night…" I began, but my explanation was cut off by the sound of the doorbell chiming. Edward looked into the living room and beyond confused.

"Who the hell could that be?" He said out loud. "I'll be right back. Well finish this conversation if you're so hell-bent on having it." He smiled at me and set down his cup of coffee, as he walked inside in the direction of the front door.

As he walked away Alice and Rose came outside with me.

"Bella why did you never tell me about Emmett, all the stories you told me about the Cullen's and you never mentioned how sweet he was!" Rose said to me with flushed cheeks.

"Because he's not!" replied Alice. "He tells bad jokes, and talks with his mouth open, and…"Alice prattled off.

"He's your brother Alice." Rose said. "That's what you see. And besides, I could say the same thing to you! Should I stand here and point out all of Jasper's flaws?" Rose asked Alice back.

"Well that would be hard, seeing as I haven't found any yet." Alice replied back, sticking her tongue out like a little kid.

Rose laughed at her and said. "Stick around, sweetheart." I laughed at them both.

"So how's it going out here?" Rose asked. "It looked like you two were having a good conversation."

"Yeah we were. We still have a lot to talk about but…" My story was cut off by the sound of Edward's voice as it thundered through the house echoing my name.

"Bella!"

We all turned and faced the glass doorway watching Edward stalk through the house. Emmett and Jasper jumped up behind him and followed him outside where he continued until he was right in front of my face.

"What the fuck is this supposed to mean!" He yelled at me while thrusting an envelope in my face.

I took it from him with a trembling hand. The only thing on the front of the card was Edward's name. I recognized the handwriting and my hands began to shake more. _No! No! No!_ I chanted in my head. Turning the envelope over I saw that written across the backside was one sentence. _'ASK BELLA_'. It said. I looked up to meet Edward's eyes and his face was a mask of anger. I lifted the flap and pulled out what was in the envelope. I was a simple 3x5 photo in black and white of me sitting on the window sill of my old bedroom in my dad's house. My eyes welled with tears, and I heard Alice gasp behind me. Rose reached out for my elbow and held on with an iron grip, to reinforce to me that she was there. To weight me to this moment. The envelope fluttered from my hand to the ground and I tried very hard to find my voice.

"Bella?" I heard Alice ask me quietly. Jasper and Emmett stood by silently, having no clue what I was looking at.

I thought all of these photos had been hidden, my brain fired off. I'd put them in a safe deposit box. The only person who had a copy of one was Jacob, and I was holding it in my hand right now.

In the photo, I was staring out my back window watching the snow fall down. It was a beautiful winter in the background. That wasn't what was notable about the photo, though.

It was the fact that my arm was draped over the top of my swollen stomach.

"What the hell is this all about Bella!?" Edward asked me.


	13. Chapter 13

***Author's Note: This chapter kinda killed me. I took me so long because no one was behaving the way I had wanted them to, so sorry for the delay! Reviews are like magical unicorns, and as always, I do not own these characters. I just like to make them do crazy things. And away we go!****

To say that this was not what I had been planning would be the most severe understatement. I was practically stunned into silence. Not because I didn't know what to say. Hell, I knew what I had to say, but it was….how. How do I just say it? "Oh hey Edward, that's' just a picture of me knocked up." Yeah I had a feeling that was not going to go over too well. I must have looked ridiculous; Mouth hanging open, shallow breathing, with eyes about to spill over. And all this in front of an audience to boot.

I didn't know what else to do. So I looked up at Edward.

"I….I…it's…" I tried to begin but I just didn't know how.

"Who did this to you, Bella?" He growled at me. And then I realized it. He didn't understand. He still didn't get the severity of this situation.

"So help me Jesus Isabella, give me a name. And what happened? I've heard nothing about a baby. What the hell is all of this?! Start talking before I go insane!" He shouted. He must've been raising his voice loud enough because the next thing I knew Dr. And Mrs. Cullen were coming out on the back patio.

"Edward, you'll wake the whole damn neighborhood." His father told him.

"What is going on out…?" And then I heard Esme gasp. I knew she had come close enough to see the picture and she looked over at Carlisle.

"Why don't we all head inside and leave Bella and Edward a little room to breathe." Dr. Cullen said to the rest of the group quietly but sternly. I looked to Rose with panicked eyes. I saw her give a quick nod of her head and mouthed to me "I won't be far."

The rest of the group seemed to walk slowly as they headed inside. Jasper took Alice under his arm and gave me a reassuring smile as he led her into the house. Rose and Emmett followed behind. Esme reached her hand out to touch the underside of my elbow and gave me a very soft smile.

"We'll be in the kitchen you two." She said to the both of us. I heard the sound of the sliding door click home and looked down and the ground beneath my feet. I could feel the panic setting in. I turned away from Edward and rested my arms back in the top of the patio railing taking slow deep breaths. He put his hand on my back and began to rub in slow circles.

"Is this why you've been avoiding me?" He asked quietly. I gave a short nod, unable to find my voice.

"You could've talked to me, you know. I would've made it right, or at least have tried to help." At this I let out a humorless laugh, and just shook my head. This mute act I was pulling was going to have to give in sometime. I had to talk. He kept up the slow circles on my back and I willed myself to stay calm.

"Do I get to meet it? Him…her…whatever?" He prodded. Again I shook my head no, and I felt his hand still on my back. I looked sideways at him and saw the hurt on his face.

"She." I said looking at him. "The baby….it was a girl."

"Was?" He asked, picking up on the past tense. "Did you…..did you give her away?" he asked quietly. I had to look away from him and set my eyes upon some unforeseen point in the blackened woods behind the Cullen property. My mouth went dry as my eyes threatened to overflow.

"She um….." I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. "She didn't make it." I heard Edward blow out a big puff of air.

"Wow Bells. Oh wow. I'm sorry. That's a pathetic statement. But I am sorry." I nodded my head preparing myself for the next question. I knew it would be the next one.

"Did the….Does the dad know? Who was it Bella?" He asked. I decided I only had to answer one of the two. So I took the easier one. I steeled my resolve, took in a deep breath, and turned to face him and look him in the eye.

"Yes….yes he knows. Now."I said, pleading with my eyes for his compassion which I knew I did not deserve. His brows furrowed and his head tilted in confusion. I felt the moment the understanding began. It was like a chill began to seep out of him. He took one, and the two more steps backwards holding his hands out in question. From the corner of my eye I saw Esme stand up from her unnoticed place in the living room. "Edward…." I said

"Now? He knows now? What…what does that mean Bella. What the…." The chill from him turned into a billowing wave of heat his signature temper took over. And I knew I completely deserved it. "What the FUCK does that mean Bella?" He said backing away from me further.

"You know, now." I said trying to keep my composure and meet his eyes. "Edward, please let me explain." I pleaded. "The day you came to my house before you left…" But I didn't get to finish my sentence.

"You bitch." He snarled at me. I reeled back the just same as if he had smacked me. "You lying bitch." He said again. I felt my eyes tear over and fall down my cheeks. I deserved this, I knew it, but it hurt just the same. "You're lying to me." He turned away from me and grabbed the hair on his head. I shook my head.

"No, I'm so sorry Edward. I know I should have told you. I just didn't know how!"

"You didn't know _HOW_?" he yelled at me. "What kind of pathetic excuse is that!?" He began pacing restlessly. I kept trying to say something, anything, but he kept pacing and waving his hands at me every time I opened my mouth. I knew this moment was going to be bad but I found that Rose had been right all along. There really was no way to prepare for this. As Edward continued to yell at me I felt every tie I had to him slowly sever. He would never forgive me. Never.

"God damn it Bella! Damn it! You're a real piece of work you know that! Maybe the day you found out?! Maybe that would've been a good time to tell me?!"

"You were already gone!" I stated back.

"I called you! I emailed you! I left you message after message! You had every opportunity!"

"I was scared! I didn't know what you'd say!"

"No! You're damn right you didn't! And you never will because you never gave me a goddamn chance! And not only that! I get to learn both things at once Bella?! Do you have any comprehension how hard any of this is for me? There _WAS_ a baby and now there _ISN'T_?! Is that what you had intended all along! To pretend it never happened!?"

"How dare you! You can say just about anything to me right now Edward and I know that it is well deserved! But not that!" I cried out.

"You've lost the right to fight me right now Bella! There is no use in defending yourself! Thank God that baby isn't here now! Obviously some unknown force knew you'd never make it as a mother and took it out of your hands!" He thundered at me.

I gasped.

"Edward, enough." I heard Esme say steely from the doorway. He turned to his mother.

"No it's not enough, mother." He replied to her. "You have no idea what's going on out here!"

"Yes, I do." She told him. I ducked my head blocking out my memories of Esme. He took two steps towards her and then stopped. Esme repeated herself. "Yes, Edward I do." His tone dropped to ice.

"You knew? All this time? You knew too?" She reached out her hand to him and he shoved it away. Running his hands through his hair once more he turned and looked at me with eyes filled with hate. "Fuck this. " He said turning away. "I'm leaving. I never should have come back to this goddamn place." He shoved past his mother, and grabbed his car keys off the end table and made his way to the front door. The moment I heard the front door slam I felt it come on. I seated myself on the floor of the patio, hugged my knees to my chest, and let the tears fell. I felt Esme as she sat herself down next to me, and put her arms over my shoulders and pulled me into her. All I could think was that she must be ruining her beautiful pants.

"Give him some time, Bella." She said to me soothingly.

"Why are you being so nice? I never deserved it." I cried into her shoulder.

"He is my son, and by right I know him better than anyone. Give him a little time. Also, you forget Bella; I know that kind of loss. I told you of the little one I lost before Edward and Alice were born." She said pressing me into her side.

But I hadn't forgotten. I remembered the day she told me with complete clarity.

"_Easy set up my ass!" I yelled flinging the offending piece across the room. _

"Damn Bella, you're gonna break it and then we'll never get it put together!" Jacob laughed at me. We were sitting in the living room on the floor, putting together what should have been a simple baby swing. It was Jake's present to the baby. However, the makers of the baby swing obviously had a different definition of the word easy than I did. I blew the hair that had fallen out of my pony tail away from my face. He was right. All I had succeeded in doing was now I had to make a trip across the room to go pick up the damn piece and try it again. Placing both of my hands on the floor I slowly hoisted my six month pregnant ass off the floor. I wasn't huge but I was a lot bigger than I was used to, and my balance was even more off than normal because of it. I walked across the room, picked the piece off the floor and set it on the sofa.

"I'm gonna grab something to drink." I told Jacob. "You want anything?"

"Sure I'll take a coke." He told my, his attention fixed back to the swing. I laughed a little at his intense concentration and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed Jake's coke out of the fridge and poured myself a glass of orange juice. I found it was one of the few things I could drink and still keep down. Morning sickness my ass I thought to myself. I had thrown up almost every day of my pregnancy so far. I finished my o.j. and I set the dirty glass in the sick and turned to the other side of the counter to grab Jacob's drink. Something about the movement didn't agree with me. The moment I turned I felt this intense sharp pain rip through my middle.

"Aaarruugh!" I cried out and braced both on my hands on the kitchen counter trying to breathe deeply. Moments later another sharp stabbing pain went through me that made my knees buckle.

"Jake!" I cried out in pain. I could feel my breathing picking up and the pain continued. Dull and then intense, alternating, and the sharp pain kept getting worse and worse. I heard Jake run into the kitchen.

"What's wrong Bella!" Jake said rushing to my side.

"It hurts!" I cried clutching my swollen stomach with one hand and the counter with the other. I felt something running down my leg and panic kicked in.

"Oh god no! NO! Jake I think my water just broke!" I felt Jake grip my upper arm and suck in a sharp breath. .

"Bella, I need you to do me a favor. I need you to close your eyes for me and take a deep breath. I'm going to pick you up and I'm taking you to the truck."

"Jake my water broke. You don't want to pick me up. We have to hurry this shouldn't be happening!" Nothing was making sense. How could my water break?

"Bella, please just close your eyes for me and keep them closed." I did as he asked and yelped in pain as he lifted me up and proceeded to walk me out to his truck. I began crying in vain as he seated me inside the cab. It was too early. The baby couldn't be coming! And the pain was too intense, too much. Something wasn't right.

With lightening speed Jake was in the truck and we were moving, but he was headed the wrong way.

"Where are you going?" I panted.

"Bella, there's no time to get you to Pt. Angeles. I've got to take you to Fork's hospital."

"No, "I sobbed. The pain continued and I felt myself stating to wear, to become sluggish."No, please there's enough time. Please don't take me there." My words began to slur and I found I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. I could see the trees whizzing by, and I knew Jake was breaking every speed limit known to man.

"Jake, no…Dr. Cullen; Too many people." I mumbled, feeling all my strength slowly leave my body.

"Bella I've got to get you to Fork's hospital. Your water didn't break…Bella, that's blood." Jake said quietly, eyes intent on the road as he blew through a red light moments away from the hospital.

"Wha…?" But I never finished forming the question. I glanced down in my lap and saw the blood that had now seeped through my yoga pants and was pooling at my feet. I turned my head to Jake, no strength to do anything more. He reached over and gripped my hand.

"Hang on Bella, we're almost there. You hear me? Almost there now. Bella do you hear me?!" He asked me alarmed. I would've loved nothing more than to answer him, but I lost consciousness before I could reply.

What felt like an eternity later I tried to pry my eyes open. It was too bright. Too white. Had I died?

As the room came into focus, I realized I was in a room at Fork's hospital. I tried to get my bearings as the events came back to me. I remembered Dr. Cullen saying my name. I remembered a lot of people yelling but all their words ran together. I remembered the sound of my father's quiet crying as he kissed my forehead over and over. What about my baby? Was she okay? Every time I tried to focus on something it felt like my head clouded over again and tried to tell me to sleep. I heard a shift in movement off to my right, and smelled the comforting scent of cinnamon as Esme leaned over my bed.

"Bella sweetheart, can you hear me?" She said to me softly. I think I nodded my head at her, but it felt so heavy I wasn't sure if it had actually moved. "I'll go get Carlisle." She said stroking the hair away from my forehead and planting a kiss to the back of my hand. I think I feel back asleep while she was gone. I opened my eyes again and Dr. Cullen was standing on the left side of my bed.

"Isabella, its Dr. Cullen. Can you hear me dear?" He asked in a gentle voice.

"Yes." I croaked.

"Good. You're at the hospital. Do you remember how you got here?" He asked me.

"Yes." I replied again. My throat felt like someone had stuffed it full of cotton balls.

"Your father is on his way back. He had to run back to the station, but I've called him when Esme told me you were awake. You've lost a lot of blood and we've had to give you a few transfusion. You'll be staying at the hospital for monitoring." He explained. What I didn't understand is why he hadn't said anything about the baby. I tried to lift my hand slowly to my stomach but my arm wouldn't cooperate.

"Baby?" I croaked to him in question. At this I saw his eyes soften and he came closer to the bad. I heard Esme sniffle off to my right, but I found I couldn't take my eyes off Dr. Cullen.

"Bella, sweetheart, I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, but the baby… the baby didn't make it." He said to me softly.

I felt every fiber of my body go numb at his words. The baby. My baby. My sweet little girl was gone before she had ever even arrived. How could this be? Dr. Cullen patted my hand softly in what should have been a reassuring gesture, but I wasn't reassured at all. My little baby. She was gone. I would never meet her. Never be able to tell her I loved her. The tears spilled down my cheeks and I found I was beyond all words. I turned my head away from the Dr., unable to look at him anymore while the words he had muttered continued to process. I was met with the tearful eyes of Esme who pushed my hair away from my face and stroked away my tears as they fell. I heard Dr. Cullen walk out of the room, and I just stared at Esme as my silent tears continued to fall. I had thought the pain I had been in earlier was beyond anything I had felt, but I was wrong. This pain was far, far worse.

"I know sweet girl." Esme murmured at me. "I know this pain too."

I sobbed finally making noise.

"How?" I said through my tears.

"It was before Alice and Edward. Many, many years ago." She said softly as her nails continued through my hair.

"I can't…I don't…..Why? Why?" I sobbed quietly to her. It felt as though my heart was in a thousand pieces and was slowly blowing away out of the room.

"There is no why, honey." She said softly. "Is there someone else I should call? Is there a boyfriend..?" She asked quietly.

"No. No he doesn't even know. I don't want him to know." I continued though my tears.

"Shhh. Okay honey. Your dad will be back, soon." She stated. I felt myself drifting, lulled by her hands through my hair, and exhausting myself with my tears.

"Lilly…." I said quietly.

"What sweetheart?" Esme asked, her hands on my scalp coming to a halt.

"I was….I was going to name her Lilly." I said softly, feeling myself go.

"How pretty, honey. My mother's name was Lilly. Such a beautiful name." She said. I opened my eyes to meet Esme's as the guilt seeded its way through my soul.

"I know. " I told her. "That's why I chose it. He always said he loved his grandma so much." I said gently, confessing to her my secret. Esme's eyes clouded over with tears again as she put a hand on my cheek, and one to her mouth.

"Oh Bella….." She said, and I could hear the pain in her voice. Thankfully the sleep overtook me at that moment.

Now here I was again, crying into Esme's shoulder when she should have hated me along with her son. I had really made a gigantic mess of things so far.


	14. Chapter 14

****Author's note: As always, a great big "thank you" to everyone reading! I love all of your reactions. Looks like dear Edward pissed quite a few people off last chapter lol! But remember, they, just like everyone else are no where near perfect and make mistakes. Here we go guys! Let me know what you think! Oh, and of course I own nothing! I just like to put the characters through a silly song and dance!******

After a while, my senses began to return to me along with my pride. Yes, I had done a shameful thing. Yes, Edward had every right to be angry. Hell I would understand if he never spoke to me again. But the thought of possibly his last words to me, claiming me to have been some kind of unfit mother, lit a fire in my soul. I knew he was wrong. I would have been a damn good mother. No child would have been as loved as Lilly would have been. As I felt the anger spread through my chest I felt the resolve to wipe my face and unfurl myself from Esme's side. She stood with me and smoothed my hair down.

"I know that face." She said to me with a small smile.

"What face?" I asked her. If she was referring to the blotchy cheeks and red rimmed eye, well hell yeah, any woman who had every shed a tear knew this face. I had yet to meet a woman who was a pretty crier.

"The one you're wearing now. It's that same one you used to wear when you were young and Edward would do something stupid to make you angry. I like to call it the 'Hell hath no fury like an angry Bella' face" She said smiling at me. "Now, how about we take ourselves back inside, and get us a cup of coffee. I'm sure you could use one." She said to me.

"Yes. Yes, coffee would be good." I said. I took a few steps towards the door and the stopped. Shit. Alice…and Emmett. I would have to explain this all over again. I know I deserved it but I was so tired of hashing this out over and over. My emotional gas tank was running low. Esme seemed to sense my hesitation and placed her fingertips on my forearm.

"Bella, out of all of them, Edward is the one known for his temper. I think it's because he keeps things to himself for too long and then…well….BAM. You have nothing to fear from Alice, or from Emmett."She said. I nodded my head and followed her inside and towards the kitchen. I steeled myself before I walked into the room and saw Dr. Cullen by the coffee machine. Alice, Rose, Jasper, and Emmett were all in various states of rest. Rose leaning over the counter with a hand on top of Alice's while Jasper stood behind Alice and ran his hands up and down Alice's upper arms. Emmett was leaned back against the counter next to Dr. Cullen with his arms crossed over his chest. He was the first to see me walk into the room, and surprisingly the first to speak also.

"Alright, little Bella. Rosie here refused to tell us anything. "I went to open my mouth but he silenced me by holding his hand. I hadn't been prepared for him to be so blunt, but I shut myself none the less. "I'm not interested in all the details. Not my thing. Just give me the shorthand version. Why did my brother stomp out of here like a bat out of hell?"

It took me a moment to formulate the quickest explanation to tell the story without revealing any details that might embarrass me in front of Edwards's parents.

"After your brother and Alice left for college I found out I was pregnant. The baby was Edwards." This time Emmett went to speak, and I silenced him. "No Emmett my turn now. And before any of you ask, yes I know for sure it was Edwards. I had only been with one person and that was your brother. "I Looked to Alice and watched her eyes. "I didn't tell anyone aside from my father and my friend Jake about the pregnancy. Jake is the one who sent the picture to the house today. My pregnancy was easily hidden. I didn't leave my house much, and I went to a Dr. in Pt. Angeles in order to avoid your father." I said. I glanced at Dr. Cullen and surprisingly saw only compassion in his eyes, as he handed me a cup of coffee. He nodded at me gently to continue.

"When I was six months pregnant…." I began. I felt the pain in my chest and immediately shut down, distracting myself by taking a sip of my hot coffee. It would be much better if I got it over with quickly. "When I was six months pregnant I lost the baby." I saw the tears drift down Alice's cheeks and noticed how Jasper returned to rubbing her back. In the back of my mind it registered that I was happy that they seemed to forming a close connection. "I never contacted your brother, because…..well because technically there was nothing to tell, I guess. When you guys arrived back in town the guilt of the situation started to eat away at me, and I knew I had to do the right thing and tell him about it. Even if it was all in the past. Edward got angry with me, and rightfully so, and he left the house shortly after." I held my hands out in front of me, palms up in supplication to show I was done with my story and the floor was now open for questioning. Alice was the first to speak.

"Why didn't you tell me then? When you found out?" Alice asked.

"I didn't say anything because your brother was off to college. He had asked me to go with him Alice. Even without knowing about the baby." I saw Dr. Cullen and Esme shoot each other looks at this statement. Obviously they hadn't been party to their son's impulsiveness. "I didn't know, the day he came to me. I found out two days after you left when I realized I didn't have the flu. But had I called him….had I told him, he would've come home. I know him….well I knew him I should say. He would have left college and gotten some stupid job at Newton's outdoor goods, or at the Diner, and your brother was better than that. He still is. I couldn't be the one who would hold him back from what he could become. "I sucked in a deep breath and continued on. "And to tell you Alice, would have been the same as to tell him. Do you honestly think you could've known something like that and not tell Edward, or that he wouldn't have figured out something was bothering you?" I saw the doubt in her eyes and knew I had her on that one. "That's what I thought." I told her.

"I don't mean this to sound…well rude I guess. But how do you know all of this?" Alice said looking at Rose. Rose glanced at me, and nodded her head. I noticed how she ducked her head and avoided Emmett's look. I'm sure she wasn't really happy about having some of her own past aired out, but she was doing it for me. I really couldn't have asked for a better friend at that moment.

"After that, I started to have panic attacks, and I began suffering from depression. A nice Dr. in town referred me to a therapist out in ." I gave Dr. Cullen a small smile. "Rose and I attended therapy at the same location, and met in the office." Alice shot a glance at me and then Rose.

"Rose, I'm sorry. That honestly was none of my business." Alice said. Rose being Rose simply shook her head.

"It's not the end of the world Alice. I had some problems for a while. I learned how to deal with them and I moved on. Just think; if I hadn't gone I would have never met Bella. And in turn I never would have met any of you." She said giving Emmett a little smile, which he returned with an equally large grin. Sometimes Rose's ability to bounce back astounded me. I really admired that about her.

"So…"Emmett said while swinging his hands back and forth.

"Yeah…" I said. "So…" and shrugged my shoulders. Alice got up from her stool and pulled me into one of her tiny hugs.

"I never would have been mad. You know that right?" She whispered in my ear.

"Yeah, I do. I'm sorry I doubted you." I told her.

"He'll calm down. He'll get over it and he'll be back."

Esme spoke up from her place near Dr. Cullen and said "He'll have a lot more to answer for when he returns too." Emmett quirked an eyebrow at his mother in interest.

"Little Eddie's getting in trouble? Oh this must have been good if the golden child is gonna getting it!" Esme clucked her tongue at him.

"Not by me, Emmett." She said gesturing her head at me. "Though I do have a few choice things to say to my son when he returns as well." Emmett turned his questioning glance to me.

"What did he say?" he asked me.

"Nothing I care to repeat at this point in time." I told Emmett gently. Sharing Edward's last remark felt a little wrong to me. I wasn't asking anyone to choose sides, and I knew both Alice and Emmett would be enraged by his comment. That snide comment was for me to sort out. The kitchen was silent for a few minutes, everyone lost in their own thoughts and then Emmett burst out with the most ridiculous question.

"You still play video games, little Bella?" He asked me. I smiled widely at him, knowing exactly where this was going. Emmett and I had a long standing competitive relationship over video games.

"Hell yeah." I said to him.

"I get first pick!" He shouted quickly.

Alice rolled her eyes and I saw Dr. Cullen chuckle.

"What's this about?"Asked Rose. Emmett placed an arm around her shoulder and guided her to the living room while Jasper and Alice followed

"This, Miss Rosalie, is where I show you how I kick Bella's ass at gaming." He told her. Rose let put a beautiful giggle at his statement and I followed them into the room to show Emmett how it was done.

"I'll call you tomorrow after work." I told Alice hugging her one last time.

"You'd better." She said in a joking tone at me. I waved good bye and headed my way down the driveway to the car. I found that though it had been an extremely rough night, I felt a little better. I had said what I needed to be said. I had laid my confession bare. What Edward did with my words, was up to him now.

I got in my car and backed out the driveway. I drove home slowly singing along softly to the music. I was both wide awake and exhausted at the same time. I passed the park and decided to loop back for a minute. I just wasn't ready to go home yet. After I had parked the car, I got out and slowly made my way to the swings, huddling into my jacket against the chill. I sat down and began to push myself back and forth, back and forth, staring down at my feet. I closed my eyes and let myself drift off into another stored away memory.

"Alice, I look like a complete idiot. Will you take it off now?!" I pleaded with her. I was sitting in front of Alice's vanity staring at someone who didn't even remotely look like me. Alice had put so much makeup on my face I felt like a clown, and the baby doll t-shirt she had stuffed me into felt two sizes too small. Not to mention I felt naked with the two inches of my stomach that was exposed between the shirt and the extremely low jeans she had me put on.

"No, Isabella." She said using my full name. "We are going out like this and there isn't a thing you can do about it. This is what I get for you ditching out on me to hang out with Edward yesterday."

"Alice for the millionth time, I didn't ditch out on you. We were working on our biology lab!"She waved her hands in dismissal at me. We had been over this and over this. Edward and I had been assigned a project in class, and I followed him home from school to work on it, completely forgetting about my plans to go out shopping with Alice. This was her personal form of vindication. Not only did I have to go to the mall with her, but she got to make me up and play 'Bella Barbie" as she joking referred to it as well.

"Shut up and grab your purse Swan." She said to me, as she applied another coat of lip gloss. I sighed, knowing I had to give, and followed her out the door to the car.

"OH! Look at this one!" Alice said holding up a purple sequined bra. I rolled my eyes at her.

"Alice, seriously?" I said shaking my head. "What exactly are you supposed to even wear that under? And it looks uncomfortable as hell." She winked at me slyly.

"It's not what you wear it under; it's who you show it to!" She laughed. I blushed crimson and the statement and went back to the bin of underwear in front of me. We were perusing through Victoria's secret, which had to have been the 20th store we went into and Alice never seemed to turn down the chance to embarrass me. The idea of all the frilly underwear and push up bras was getting to my head. I wasn't interested in guys like that…well ok…that was a lie.

"What are you smiling about?" Alice asked me. I lifted my head in confusion at her. "Just now you got this dopey little grin on your face. What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing, "I lied to her." You just make me laugh." In honesty I had been thinking about Edward. He had said something earlier today about wondering how his sister would end up torturing me for missing out shopping. He was bound to get a kick out of it when I told him she made me stand in Victoria's secret for an hour. Alice paid for her purchases shortly after and we exited the store into the main area to walk down to express, where Alice was apparently dying to look at tops. A cat call from behind us made us both stop. Someone had just made a comment along the lines of 'sweet ass' and I felt a tingle run down the base of my neck to my spin.

"Why don't you turn around there and tell me your name, sweet-ass?" Alice spun around first while I stopped stock still staring forward. Who the hell was this dumb ass?

"That's fucking gross!" Alice shrieked. "Tell your buddy to stop Edward!"

"What the hell?!" Yelled Tyler, Edwards's friend from school. He smacked Edward on the chest. "Dude my bad I had no idea that was your sister." I turned around slowly and met Edward's eyes. He was staring me with the wildest expression on his face.

"What the fuck is this Alice?" Edward spat out at her.

"What do you mean? Your pig of a friend here was the one who was making lewd comments at ME!" She shot back. Edward covered the ground between us in a few steps.

"Why do you have all that shit on your face?" He said to me. I heard Alice hiss and begin to talk but he kept staring at me.

"Alice's retribution." I said shrugging my shoulders. To be honest I was offended at his statement, but on the other hand I hated all the shit on my face too.

"You're looking good Bella." Tyler called over to me. I shot eyes in his direction.

"Uh…thanks?" I replied.

"Go home." Edward said to me. I instantly bristled at his statement.

"Excuse me?" I shot back at him. "I didn't realize you were my father now too." I said crossing my arms over my chest. He walked closer to me until I was forced to look up at him. Even now, angry as I was, I could feel my brain shutting down and my body taking over, absorbing how close he was to me. He spoke in a very low voice at me.

"Go home. Change back into some normal clothes and wash that shit off your face. You look like some ridiculous …"

"Some ridiculous what, Edward?" I growled at him. He narrowed his eyes at me. He could be such a damn arrogant asshole sometimes. Every nerve was on fire waiting for him to finish the sentence.

Tyler cleared his throat.

"Hey, Edward, you wanna..?" Tyler hedged.

"Hold it Tyler." He replied, without looking at him. Edward and I continued our stare down. I refused to be the one to look away.

"Ugh. I'm over this Edward. You will leave Bella alone. We were having a perfectly good girl's day until you came along." Alice huffed. Edward backed away from me, and his eyes softened ever so slightly. I however continued to glare at him. Alice yanked my arm and spun me around and we were off and walking away.

What an Asshole!" Alice seethed. Both of them as a matter of fact! I however remain quiet, too angry to even speak. How dare Edward. Yeah okay, again I wasn't fond of the way I was dressed. It definitely wasn't me. However I didn't look any different than….Lauren, or Jessica, or Tanya. Granted I was probably a sore impression, but I wasn't dressed any differently than those skanks showed up to school. And he certainly didn't go around calling them names. In fact they held his rapt attention.

"I can't believe what he said to you!" Alice continued on.

But as I kept walking some of my anger faded. The pain in my feet from the heels they were stiffed into was making it hard to concentrate on anything else. "Al, I'm sorry, but can we….do you mind if we just head home?" She pulled a sad face for a moment and then spoke.

"Yeah sure. Let's head home."

Later that night I was curled in bed reading my book when I heard the tell-tale knocking at my window. I set my book down and took a deep breath. I opened the window and leaned out into the night air and looked down.

"What the hell do you want Cullen?" I asked him.

"I want to talk." Edward said, looking up at me.

"Well, frankly I have nothing to say to you. Otherwise I would have returned your phone calls." Edward shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket.

"Look I'm sorry, okay?" He huffed.

"If that is supposed to be an apology, you suck at them." I shot back. I heard him let out a big sigh.

"Look can I just come up for a minute?" He asked looking back up at me.

"No, anything you have to say to me, you can say from there. I let you inside and I'm liable to punch you." I replied. At this he laughed a little.

"That's why." He said.

"That's why, what?" I asked.

"That's why I said it. Look, what I said was wrong. I know it, but it pissed me off. Seeing you dressed like that."

"What the hell does it even matter to you how I dress? Maybe I wanted to look like a stupid girl with nothing else on my mind but petty things, and if I look pretty."

"Cause you're not, Bella. Why would you want people to think that was you?"

"For the Damn record Edward, I was dressed like that because Alice made me. Remember how I forgot I was supposed to go out with her Tuesday? Well that was her payback. And of course I went along with it because it cheered her up, and that's what friends do. I didn't however go out like that so I could run into you and have you cop a shitty attitude with me." I huffed back.

"I know that. Alice laid into me when I got home." He said. "Bells I'm sorry. I just…it just pissed me off seeing you like that. Tyler was practically salivating, and the only reason is because you were showing more skin than clothes." He paused for a moment, shuffling his foot into the ground. "You're better than that. You're smarter than that. "He finished.

From my vantage point of my window I just stared down at him. He wasn't saying anything I didn't already know. That's who I was. And God I hated arguing with him. If he'd just learn how to muzzle the hot headed tendencies where his mouth got in the way of his brain, this whole thing would've been so much easier. But he was here now. And he was apologizing. Which for Edward was no small feat. I let out a deep sigh and he looked up at me.

"Whatever Edward. I need to get some sleep." I was exhausted all of a sudden.

"I'll pick you up in the morning?" He stated, but it sounded more like a question.

"Yeah. You owe me a big cup of coffee." I told him. He shot me that stunner Cullen smile, the one that never failed to stop my heart.

"You got it Swan." He said still smiling. With a little wave he trotted off down the street where his car was parked. I pulled myself back in the window, shaking my head a little. But in spite of everything, I was smiling when I lay back down in bed.

Back and forth, back and forth.

I stared off into the darkness swinging slowly. I startled at the sounds of the chains two swings down moving. Edward was seated on the swing, facing the opposite direction. And slowly began to swing as well. The two empty spaces between us felt like it might as well have been opposite ends of the world.

Back and forth, back and forth.

The silence was almost deafening. I was about to get up and leave. Unsure of what he was doing here. Did he have more terrible names to call me? Cause I really couldn't stomach it tonight. I had made up my mind to get up when I heard it. It was so quiet I wasn't sure I could be right. But there it was again. Another deep breath, almost like a hiccup. I turned my head to the sound, not quite trusting what I was hearing. And then I saw it.

Edward had stopped swinging, and was now seated with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. And he was crying.

I sat, unsure of what to do, and just watched him for a moment. But too soon, it became too much for me.

I got up from the swing, and made my way over to him.


	15. Chapter 15

*****Author's note: I am so sorry my lovelies! My writing was delayed by this terrible woman named "Hurricane Sandy", have you heard of her? I'll be happy if I never hear of her again!UGH!**

**So as a treat, I give you this short little surprise. A small snippet of Edward. This will not become a norm, but I found in my writing I kept coming back to this over and over. The next normal chapter should also be up this weekend as well. Thank you for all your love and kind words! They are what make the writing go round!**

**As always, I own nothing. The genius that is Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to put them in a new little world.**

**Away we go!*************************

EPOV

I've honestly pretty much always been the "man of few words" type. Course my problem was, the words I chose were usually the wrong ones to boot, so that never helped things for me.

But this time? This moment? I had no words.

I could feel her. Being in her presence was always like a weight was lifting from my chest. It was like I could actually get a chance to breathe. But this time instead of the weight lifting, it was pressing. Pressing down so hard I couldn't tell if I was going to suffocate or merely drown under the weight of this.

Bella, My Bella. How could things have possibly gotten this fucked up?

I could see the toes of her shoes in my eye line now. Those goddamn ratty sneakers of her. She would wear sneakers until they were screaming to be retired. I tried to focus on the tips of her tiny shoes rather than everything else I had tried to absorb in the last two hours. I wondered if they were the ones I had bought her, or if she had tossed them and this was yet another pair she was hell bent to kill.

Kill.

Death.

Dead.

Fuck. There it was again.

Breathe. Get your shit together, Edward.

I watched as the toes of her shoes turned outward with the motion of her sitting down. Now I was looking at her shoes and her knees as she apparently sat Indian style in the grass in front of me. Why did I even sit down next to her? Obviously she wanted to be alone. And I wanted to be alone, too. Or at least I thought I did. But as always when it came to Bella, what my brain thought didn't matter.

How could she even sit near me? Notwithstanding the shit I'd said not but a few hours ago. But the fact that I had ruined her.

Years of trying to keep her at arm's length. Of knowing she was far better than to be mixed up with an asshole like me. Years of knowing I could never be the kind of man she would deserve.

And I had still ruined her.

There really were no words for this level of remorse and regret.

And still she sat quietly, patiently. Just as she always had with me. She always knew when I needed to talk. And when I needed to just be silent. Far, far more than I deserve.

I seriously had had no worries the day I met her. Not one. I'd had a great home life. Sure my twin could get irritating sometimes, but that was the problem when you were so closely tied to someone. And Emmett and I usually got along great. My parents were happily married, and were never overbearing. I'd always managed to fly through school, the work never seeming as hard to me as it did to others. And thanks to the gift of genetics, Id had my fair share of girls to choose from. But that changed the day I walked into the damn cafeteria and she dropped her book in front me.

I'd never seen eyes like hers. Such a deep brown, and they looked like they could see right through me, into me. And when she stuttered, and blushed in answer to my question, so did something in my chest. By the set of her shoulders you could tell she was strong willed, but there was something about her demeanor that seemed wired straight to something in me. I couldn't figure out what it was and I had spent the rest of that lunch with my eyes drifting to her at that table alone.

Then, that damned incident with Lauren and the locker room and I knew what it was.

I wanted to protect her. To keep her safe. I felt like otherwise she might be squashed under one of Laurens high heels pumps, of the ever present leering from Mike Newton.

But that meant keeping her safe from everything that was no good for her.

And that included me.

Boy Id really fucked that one up, didn't I?

I just couldn't help myself, and I took something that was never mine to have.

I thought if I begged or pleaded enough she would see it could be me. That I could try and be enough. Be something, someone, she deserved.

No wonder she had pushed me away. She knew, even then she knew. And even after I was gone I'd still continued to hurt her. I had gotten her pregnant. My Bella. And to know what she had suffered through, had lived through in the course of my aftermath?

I had done everything wrong, and there wasn't anything I could do now. There was no redemption in this.

Yep. I'd always been a man of few words. I had very few to offer. But I gave her the only thing I had. The tears on my face. My anguish and regret made manifest in their tracks down my cheeks. I took a deep breath and stared hard at those damn adidas in front of me, and choked out the only words I had left. Words that could never be enough.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. God damn me to hell, I am so sorry."

****Well? What do you say? *****


	16. Chapter 16

****Author's note: So,while this probably should have been part of chapter 15, I was anxious to get something up since I hadn't gotten to update. So please excuse the two chapters that would normally equal one ; ) I love the reactions of everyone! I seem to have created characters that are causing quite a bit of anger at them. Be patient with them. They are flawed and don't always do the right thing. Your reviews make me smile from ear to ear. **

**As ever, I do not own these characters I just like to make them do silly things.**

**On with the show!*********

"_I'm so sorry, Bella. God damn me, I am so sorry."_

At first I thought I was imagining things. Edward rarely apologized for anything.

I sat staring at the grass below me, picking at the blades with my stubby fingernails. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say. My head and my heart went it two different directions, as it so often did when it came to anything about it Edward.

My head wanted me to be angry. And I was; believe me I was. But I just didn't really have the energy to be angry anymore. I was tired of apologizing, and other people feeling they had to apologize. And when I thought about being angry, I thought of Jacob.

I would have to steel myself for that confrontation. Cause God knew that was coming. His betrayal hurt just as bad as Edwards words had.

Edward remained silent while my brain chewed on his words. What did he expect me to say? _' Oh that's ok! No big deal! Really it's all water under the bridge now!'_

Yeah, fat chance in hell on that one. My brain was winning this war today.

Cause my heart….my heart wanted to forgive and forget. But the rest of me wasn't ready for that. Edward cleared his throat and out of reflex I looked up at him.

His eyes were red, and I could see the strain written across his furrowed brow. My head kept my heart in check by reminding it how many of its own tears they had cried over him.

"What…' Edward began. I cocked my head to the side waiting for him to continue. "What would you have done if…if she had…"

"Does it matter?" I replied quietly. "I can't think about the 'what ifs'. Trust me. It drove me crazy for a long time, and I learned that I couldn't dwell on it."

"It matters to me though." He said.

"Why?" I asked him, looking back down at the grass. I had hoped he wouldn't ask me this, but knowing my luck I should have been prepared.

"Because…it just does. Look I have really no right to make demands here. I was an ass back there. I know it, and you know it. I was just….I don't know Bell, I was in shock or something. I was have a hard time processing this whole thing. I still am. But, it matters to me." I remained quiet, trying to choose my words carefully.

"What would you have done? Would you have come looking for me then? Would you have finally returned a call or an email?" He was running his hands through his hair, causing it to stick up all over the place.

"No." I replied, my voice barely above a whisper.

"No." He repeated, and the pain was apparent in his voice.

"No. I wouldn't have. I had made my decision the day I found out." And I felt the bitterness seeping out of me.

"You really think so damn little of me, don't you?" He asked, with venom.

"Please Edward." I got up from the grass and began to pace in a small path. "I know you would have come back if I asked. And then where would we have been? Married at 19, and divorced at 21, that's where, with a child to haul back and forth between us, all the while, you introducing her to a stream of questionable women, who no doubt would have made sure she stayed out of sight." I shot at him.

"I lived that life Edward. I was that kid, though thank god my father didn't have you taste in women. It was crap, and I hated having to split my time between them. I wasn't going to do that to a kid! And you never would have been ready. And you would have never finished school, I wouldn't own my shop, and we'd hate each other every single day for the rest of our lives. I didn't want that for you and I sure as hell didn't want that for me." I was breathing heavy with my agitation.

"Well….I'm happy to see you had it all planned out didn't you?" He said to me. "If I'm such a piece of crap, why did you hang around me all those years?" he asked.

I stopped my pacing and stood with my back to him. I didn't have any answer to that question I felt like voicing . Not now.

"That night, after prom?" He prompted. "Do you know what I did, the next morning and woke up and you weren't there? I just assumed you had to get home so Charlie wouldn't ask question why you stayed so long with Alice. I called Tanya and told her we were through. She asked me why, and I told her I had found someone….someone that made me want to do better, be better, try harder, and it wasn't her. When Alice came in my room that day, I was at my desk. I was writing you a letter….well trying to. I figured I had to start somewhere. I had never gotten on the right foot with you. I knew you deserved so much more. And I wanted to change. I wanted to be that person. Someone who deserved you. And I was trying to figure out what to do to be…I don't know, romantic or some shit, and since you always had your nose in a book, I thought a letter would be…I don't know, something you would like. Alice laughed at me when she realized what I was doing. I made her swear not to tell you, and I felt like a damn fool. But that was okay. I was more than willing to be a fool for you Bella."

I just stared at him. Once again, I wasn't really sure what to say here. Always with Edward there was this divide. Some ravine between us that never kept us on the same page at the same time. I had made that jump once, and I had crashed and burned miserably. We stood there just staring at each other till he finally broke the silence again.

"So I guess you made your mind up about me. And there's no one to blame for that but me. I wish I would have gotten to give you that letter. I wish you had been there when I woke up. The moment I realized that you might let me endeavor to deserve you…that one night, and I was ready to change. I can still change Bella…if you let me. I can." He said. The silence after his declaration was astounding. My head and my heart were screaming at me in unison. I stayed silent for a long time.

"It's not that you can't change Edward." I said very quietly meeting his eyes. I felt the tears slide down my cheeks. "The fact is…" I said, trying to steel my will again my heart.

"The fact is, I've changed. I'm not the same girl anymore. That girl died with her daughter in that damn hospital. It takes more than words for me anymore."

And with that I turned and made my way to my car, and didn't look back; the fissure in my heart breaking slowly in half with every step that took me away from him.

I drove like a bat out of hell through Forks with the tears falling down the whole way. I went directly into my house and into my shower, crying under the hot water.

I didn't realize until I said those words, that they were true. I wasn't that girl anymore. I had wanted to forgive him. I wanted to just wipe it all away and fall into his arms like some stupid little girl who didn't have a care in the world. But I knew that I needed more than that. I was a grown woman and I didn't have the time or energy for all this….this crap. If he wanted me….well then he'd have to figure it out on his own. And if he didn't, or if he couldn't…then I would just have to be okay with that. Life would go on.

Of course, even as I gave myself this mental pep talk my heart begged me to change my mind.

I waved goodbye to Jackson as Ben took him out of the store. Another successful story time Saturday. I turned to see Angela ringing up another customer, and chatting with Rose animatedly. Rose had stopped by on her way to work to find out what went down last night. And I told her with dry eyes and an steady voice. Rose had hugged me fiercely and told me she was proud.

I had woken up this morning with clear eyes and a clear head. Every time my heart decided to interfere with my internal dialogue, I had managed to clamp it down severely.

The flowers had arrived around 11 this morning, a bouquet of pink and yellow roses. I had debated whether to throw them away or not, but they really were quite pretty, so I had found them a home on the counter and told Angela I had bought them myself. The card to the flowers was at the bottom of my purse. He had simply signed his name, and I almost had to laugh at that. I guess he understood the point about it taking more than words this time. But flowers were a drop in the bucket.

I still hadn't made up my mind on how I would approach Jacob. I didn't think my anger had faded enough for that conversation without me being prone to violence. And that was not really in my nature.

My cell phone beeped from my pocket, and I took it out and saw a text from Alice.

"R U Ok? Call me Later!"

I typed back a reply of "ok" and sent it. Almost immediately my phone beeped again from Alice.

"E asked if I would give him ur #, told him no." I smiled at Alice, and sent back my thanks and put my phone back in my pocket.

"Alright Bella boo, I'm headed up to the store. You want me to bring over some dinner tonight?" Rose asked me while picking up her purse.

"Grab Chinese." I told her. "We'll pick out a movie when you get there." I told her. And with that she left for work.

The rest of the work day passed by uneventfully, and despite everything, I was in pretty good spirits.

I did a few loads of laundry and picked up while I waited for Rose to show up with the food. The door bell rang and I went to open it, while simultaneously drying my hands on a dish cloth. Instead of Rose's face, I was greeted by a giant bear hug from Emmett.

"Hey Bells!" he boomed. I looked over her shoulder and Rose smiled sheepishly at me.

"I called Rosie, and she told me she was on her way to get Chinese and come over here, so I decided I'd come along."

"He's not the only one." I heard Alice chime as she made her way up my walk with Jasper trailing in her wake.

I just laughed. I could do nothing but. I wasn't upset at the added guests. Though I will say I did look behind Alice, to see if anyone else was coming.

I tried to tell myself I wasn't looking for Edward…really I wasn't.

Jasper kissed my cheek on his way in, and Alice hugged me.

"You don't mind do you?" She asked. I smiled back at her.

"Of course I don't Alice. You guys are all always welcome." I said to her. "But, um..."

"No." She said, answering my unspoken question. "I didn't tell him we were coming over here. Though I'm sure Emmet will by accident tomorrow, but no, he's not coming."

I nodded my head, while she walked into the living room and slowly shut the door.

I wasn't disappointed. Not one bit.

At least, that's what I told myself.


	17. Chapter 17

******Author's note**** I can only beg forgiveness in my long absence : ( I won't bore you with a long detail of why, but tell you I pledge to be much more frequent with my updates. Enjoy!**

**As always, no characters belong to me, I just like to make them do silly things! Away we go!**

I made it through until Wednesday morning when I decided I couldn't put my confrontation off with Jake any further. Even my dad had called to ask me what was going on. That was a brief conversation.

"Jake says he hasn't heard from you in a few days." My dad had begun when he finally got to the point of his phone call.

"Did you happen to ask him why that was?" I had responded.

"Well, no. I figured you had gone all fickle or something. Just felt better to ask you."

"Dad, did you really just call me fickle?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I know that's not your way. I just figured I'd ask you. You know me, in turn Bells, I don't like to get into things that are none of my business."

"I'm really not up for talking about it." I had told him.

"Alright honey, if you feel like it, you know I'll listen, right?"

"I know dad, I love you."

"Love you too Bells."

And that had been the end of that.

Part of me didn't even want to bother at all. Jacob had made no move to call me, which had actually been smart of him. I might've blown off the handle had he contacted me before I was ready.

But in truth, I deserved to say my peace.

So now I sat in my car, in front of the house Jacob still shared with his father. I hadn't even turned the car off, and was just sitting starting out the windshield. The entire drive over, I played the conversation in my head a million ways. In the first conversation I was raving mad. The second scenario I tried I was sobbing. The next I was calm, cool, and collected Bella. I really was hoping I'd be able to stay on line of scenario three. I wasn't even completely sure what I wanted to say to Jacob. I seemed to be teetering between "eat shit and die asshole" and "you mother fucker you betrayed me."…either of these weren't going to coincide with conversation three, though. I blew out the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. I closed my eyes and gave myself a short mental pep talk…."All or nothing swan…say your peace and go."

And so with that I went. My feet felt like lead as went up the walk. My anger began to sizzle with every step that brought me closer to this conversation. I raised my hand and was just about to knock when the door swung inward and there was Jacob, who was on the way out.

"Bella!" Jacob said, apparently surprised to find me on his stoop.

I jerked my head in a sharp nod. "I need to talk to you." I said, surprised my voice didn't rise by reflex of anger. Now that I was in front of him I could feel the words ready to boil out of me.

"I was just on my way out. Leah called and there's a bunch of people down for a bonfire. If you want to you can…"

"Hell no!" I interjected. "What in your right mind makes you think I would want to go anywhere with you!?" I asked him.

"Alright Bells. I know you're angry but-"

"But what, Jacob? Angry? You think that's all I am Jacob? Angry? That doesn't even begin to describe it. Mortified? Humiliated? Betrayed? Enraged? "

"Fine all of the above!" He yelled back, his voice level beginning to rise to match mine. "And what about me, huh? How do you think I feel?"

"I'm so sorry Jake, but forgive me. Are you honestly trying to make this about you? "

"No I'm not trying to make it about me. But did you once consider what I'm going through?"

"What the fuck could you possibly be going through!" I screeched back at him.

"For years I stood by you. I watched your whole relationship with Edward. I saw how he used you. How you followed around after him after some sad puppy. And then you fell right in his trap."

"You've got to be shitting me." I said at him, a mixture of stunned and hurt.

"And who was there when it all fell apart, huh?" He asked. "I'll tell you who. Me. I'm the one who held your hand. I'm the one who watched you cry. I'm the one who listened to you every time you needed to talk."

"Jake I know and I've told you how much I appreciated it. But I also told you time, and time, and time again…"

"And you don't know what's good for you!" He shot back at me. "The moment he came back, I was relegated back to second place and I'm better than that. So I did what you were too damn chicken to do. Were you ever going to tell him?"

"Whether I did or not was none of your business Jake! None at all! I was going to talk to him about it. But not in a room full of people! And not spring it on him! Why is that hard for you to understand?"

"Well you've made your choice abundantly clear..." He said in an effort to push past me on his way down the walk. I turned and watched his back as he walked away.

"There never was a choice." I said quietly to his retreating form. His step faltered momentarily and he turned his head enough so that I could make out his profile by the light of the streetlamp.

"Yeah, I see that now." He said back quietly. And on that note he got in his car and pulled away.

I walked slowly back to my car and put my arms up on the roof and rested my head against the door frame. I'd had way too much. I was done. I needed to de-stress. I shoved away from the car and pulled "my phone out of my back pocket. I dialed and held the phone to my ear, waiting.

"What's up buttercup?" Rose's voice came through from the other side of the phone.

"Tell me you're not busy."

" I'm watching how to lose a guy in ten days and eating Doritos….if that constitutes busy, I am in for the night."

"I could tell you how to lose two guys in one week."

"15 minutes?" She asked.

"Make it twenty. I'm gonna call Alice. And I got to change."

"Meet you at your place." She replied and hung up. I got myself in the car and headed towards home.

"Another round!" Alice yelled in the direction of the waitress waving her empty margarita glass.

"This round's mine, right?" She said turning back to face us.

"Who the hell knows?" replied Rose. "I think it might be mine?"

"It's on me." I stated. "I'm the one who dragged you two out on short notice." Alice shot another quizzical look at me. Thankfully they had both had kept from questioning me on my request of girls night. They had even remained silent when I stated girl's night was not going to be at my house. We were going out. And I was going to drink. And drink I had. We were all on our fourth margaritas which the waitress had just set down in front of us. I took a long pull from mine.

"I talked to Jacob today."

"It's about time!" Alice exclaimed.

"What did that fuck-knuckle have to say?" Rose asked crossing her arms over her chest. I took another long pull from my glass.

"He basically told me I was a sad-sack and I should worry about his feelings."

"He said what?!" They exclaimed at the same time. I shrugged my shoulders. I was about to go on when I heard a familiar drawl make its way across our table.

"Ladies." Jasper said with a tilt of his head. I snuck a glance at Rose who seemed to be beaming at Alice. Then I noticed Alice's' eyes alight with excitement at the appearance of Jasper. Wait, no. Rose wasn't looking at Alice. She was looking beyond Alice to Emmett who was standing just to the side of Jasper. Emmett proceeded to set a tray down on the table.

"We're not interrupting."Jasper held his hands up in surrender at me."We just wanted to bring you these." He said gesturing to the tray full of shots that were now laid before us.

I scooted the tray to myself and said "How nice. Thank you, but what about these other ladies?"

Emmett boomed a laugh. "Bella if you can stomach all those shots I've got my eyes on the wrong girl. " He said with a smile at Rose. I noticed Rose blushed. Blushed! Oh boy Rose was definitely smitten. I scooted my way out of the booth and gestured for the boys to sit.

"I have to run to the ladies." I announced.

I saw Alice begin to stand and gestured for her to sit. I grabbed my clutch off the table as the boys filed into the booth. I grabbed a glass from the tray and threw it back quick, breathing out my nose against the burn in my throat. With a smile I turned and headed to towards the restrooms.

I've always wondered why the hell ladies lines are so long in a bar. Time at the mirror I completely understand. But this shouldn't impede stall progression. After waiting my turn and taking my allotted time at the mirror I headed back out to the bar. From my vantage point in the room I could see the four of my friends seated at the table and laughing. Genuinely happy for them I made my way over to the bar. I smiled at the thought of them having some time together. And I didn't feel like the fifth wheel. Well, at least not over at the bar by myself. I didn't know if I could go sit in on the couple-dom and feel quite the same way. Catching the bartender's eye, I signaled him over.

"What can I get you honey?" He asked.

"Grey goose and cranberry."I said.

"You got It sweetheart." He said with a wink. While he was making my drink I did a little shimmy to make sure the girls were getting adequate display time. I may be down but I'm not out. And while most things were okay it didn't mean a girl didn't need a little attention from time to time. And it had been a while since I had had some attention. I refused to think on how long. If I did, I'd just get down on myself again, and the alcohol wasn't going to let that happen tonight. I smiled extra big at the bartender when he sat my drink in front of me and he waved my money away when I tried to hand it over with yet another wink. Well didn't that make a girl feel just a little bit better? I downed half the glass in one swallow and turning my back to the bar, I faced the dance floor. My eyes flickered over to the table again to check on my friends and almost dropped my goose on the bar floor.

He was there talking to them. Well of course he was. The stars just weren't in alignment for me. Damn, damn, damn. His back was to me and I could see him gesturing to Emmett who kept shaking his head. Damn it , he looked good too, Or maybe that was just the alcohol talking. No, I chided myself. That was all true. However the vodka began doing a dance in my stomach that I knew to mean trouble. I set the rest of my drink down on the bar just as Edward turned his head in my direction. His eyes scanned the bar and found me quickly. Ducking my head I began to make my way to the exit, the vodka doing a cha-cha in my gut. Edward began weaving his way through the crowd toward the exit as well. Air, I needed air. I slammed out of the door sucking in the crisp night in big gulps willing my stomach to settle.

"Bella wait!" I heard Edward call out coming out of the door behind me. I kept my back to him taking large breaths.

"Look I didn't come here to bug you. Emmett told me he and Jasper were here. He didn't mention anything about you or I would've stayed away."

I closed my eyes , focusing on counting…in through the nose for three, out through the mouth for four.

"We can't avoid each other. This is a small town, and I'm not leaving any time soon."

Breathe, Bella, breathe I told myself. The silence was broken only by the door opening and closing behind us and the brief onslaught of the music and voices from inside.

"Bella, look at me." Edward said quietly. Taking more deep breaths I turned around and met his eyes. Either the drinks were making me see things, or he had gotten even hotter since I last saw him. 'Shit on you alcohol', I thought to myself.

"Just say something." He asked me. "Anything."

I opened my mouth to speak….

and vomited all over his shoes.


	18. Chapter 18

******Author's note**** As promised, a much quicker update. This chapter was a little short. It was between having a shorter chapter or an unholy long one. I'm hoping to have the next up before the weekend is out. As always, reviews are the 'pop' to my 'snap and crackle'! **

**I own nothing here. I'm just playing in a dreamland.**********

"Cock-a-doodle-doo! Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

You have got to be fucking kidding me, I thought to myself rolling over and slamming my hand around my night stand. I kept flinging my arm but the damn thing wouldn't shut up. I took a large risk and pried open one eye. Bad idea. Bad, bad, bad. Oh good god, my head was pounding and the damn alarm wouldn't shut up. My phone wasn't on my night stand. Where if the hell was it coming from?!

From my one open eye I was able to discern it had to be coming from my purse in the chair in the corner. I calculated, slowly might I add, my chances of getting up and walking across the room. Nope, wasn't looking too good. But it just wouldn't stop. I practically fell out of bed and army crawled to the chair and grabbed my purse off and brought it down to the floor with me. Reaching my hand in my bag I felt around for the phone and closed it in my grasp. I began jabbing at buttons until it shut up. The silence was so beautiful.

Work was going to be a bitch today. And I had no one to blame but myself. I went downstairs and made coffee after chugging two glasses of water and Advil. Sitting down at the table and placing my head in my hands I began willing the headache from hell to go away. Just then my phone rang.

"It is too early for this crap." I said out loud to myself. Glancing at my phone I saw Alice's name flashing on the display. I hit the talk button and held it to my ear.

"Huh." I said by way of greeting.

"Go back to bed." Alice said.

"Not an option. I've got a store to run." I mumbled back at her.

"It's already handled. Angela is going in early. She said she'd be fine for one day." I was temporarily speechless. Of course Angela could run the store by herself. That wasn't a problem.

"I'm fine. I can go. I'm a grown woman, I should know better." I growled.

"Just because you should know better doesn't always mean you have to." Alice replied. "Go back to bed."

"Um, okay then." I sighed rubbing my head. "Alice, how the hell did I get home last night?"

"What? Oh you know what Bella I've got to run."

"No, Wait Alice-"

"I'll call you later; Rest." She commanded, and hung up the phone. I stared at my phone in my hand for a minute and then pressed to call Angela.

"Hey lady you're supposed to be sleeping. " Angela said.

"Jesus doesn't anyone say hello anymore?" I grumbled.

"Sorry Mrs. Cranky." Angela chuckled.

"Angela, you're already covering for the whole day tomorrow." I stated.

"Yes, I know." She said quieting her voice a little.

"I'll come in."I said.

"Bella," She began," You're here every day from open to close. You run the store; it doesn't have to run you. You deserve a break. Two days off is not the worst thing you could do. Seriously, it'll be fine. Trust me." She said.

"People are quite bossy today."I deadpanned.

"They wouldn't have to be if you weren't so dang stubborn." She said back using the same today of voice.

"Ouch. Don't make me smile, it hurts my face." I groaned.

"If anything happens I'll call you, okay?" Angela said. I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Alright, you're the best Angela."

"Don't I know it" She replied. I ended this call and sat with my head in my hands until the coffee machine beeped to let me know it was done, forcing my out of my semi-coma.

Staggering back over to the machine I managed to pour my coffee after a few attempts. To be honest I am not a big drinker. I have always been a little bit of a lightweight I guess you'd call it, and I was never a fan of being "out of control" of my actions. I was more of a one glass of wine and done girl. The events of the past little while must have driven me out of my mind. I'm not sure what possessed me to think I would be able to drink that much. I seated myself back at the kitchen table and slowly began sipping my coffee, thinking about the first time I learned my lesson on just how much I could drink…

"One more, Bella!" Alice screamed in my ear, at an obnoxious drunken volume.

"No!" I shouted back at her shaking my head. The room was already dangerously spinning, and shaking my head was not a good idea. Alice kept her hand out to me; the shot glass poised in her hand, holding her own up in her other hand.

"Please!" She said pouting. "One more! Just one more!' She exclaimed again.

"Damn it Alice." I said and took the glass from her hand. I threw the shot back and closed my eyes to the burn on the way down. Ugh, gross. I had no idea what was in the one.

Alice had placed both of or glasses on the table and squealed loudly when the opening strains of Shakira's "Hips don't lie" Began to play.

"Oh my god I love this song, come dance with me!" Alice screeched. And I do mean screeched.

"Hel ,l no!" I yelled back, but she had already grabbed my head and begun dragging me into the melee.

Dr. and Mrs. Cullen were out of town for the weekend, and as always Emmett had thrown a party. And when Emmett threw a party you could pretty much guarantee the entire school was going to be there. And they were out in full force tonight. I was taking a huge risk being here. I always did when they threw a party being the police chief's daughter. Thankfully, dad had been off tonight and he was down at the reservation with Billy doing some night fishing something-or-other.

I tried to be polite as Alice dodged through the crowd till she found an acceptable spot. She began dancing with complete abandon while I awkwardly swayed from side to side. It doesn't take a genius. Take a klutz like me and put them on the dance floor? Humorous. Take a klutz like me, give them a few beers and a few shots and stick them on the dance floor? Disaster. As always I scanned the room searching for Edward. He was off in the far corner talking to a few of his buddies. He turned his head and smiled when he saw his sister and I out on the dance area. He cocked his head to the side while raising his glass and I shrugged my shoulders. Edward held up his hand to signal he'd be right over and I nodded. Frankly I didn't need another drink but hey, if it brought Edward in my direction I was game. A few minutes later I felt someone place their hand on the small of my back and I turned to find Edward just over my shoulder. He passed me a plastic cup of beer and Alice pouted at him.

"None for me?" She asked.

"Technically this is your house Alice and Bella's a guest." He said sending a wink in my direction. She put her hands on her hips and huffed for a moment t and then went in search of a drink, which left Edward and I on the floor together. I took a long drink of my beer and made a face.

"Yeah I know its warm." Edward said laughing at my face.

"Gross." I said, and then proceeded to take another sip which only made Edward laugh harder.

We were both swaying back and forth to the song, which was now on "My Love" compliments of Justin Timberlake. Albeit, Edward was doing it more rhythmically. Mine was more because the room was swaying and I was swaying with it. Edward placed a hand under my elbow to steady me.

"Easy there, stumbelina." He said laughing. I closed my eyes concentrating on the warmth of his hand.

"Hey." He said forcing my eyes back open.

"What?" I asked him.

"You okay?"

"Um…no. No, I don't think I feel so hot." I said. In truth the room had really started to spin at this point and I was burning up, and I seemed to be feeling a combination of wanting to sleep and wanting to puke.

"Shit." Edward sighed. "C'mon." He said leading me off the floor and away from the mob. We were headed for the staircase. The second floor was always off limits during the parties.

"Go back to the party Edward. I'll be fine." I said placing my hand on the banister.

"You have a key?" He asked me. I looked behind him for Alice.

"Alice has her key." I told him. None of the Cullen's were stupid. Even though the second floor was off limits they always made sure to lock their bedrooms. I wouldn't be able to get into Alice's room without Alice.

"Here, c'mon. You can crash in my room. I'll wake you up and move you when the party's over."

"Okay." I said. Frankly at this point I didn't care where I laid down. Hell, I'd be content to curl up on the stairs at this moment. Edward helped me upstairs and unlocked the door to his room. He grabbed me a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and handed them to me.

"Go change." He said pointing to his bathroom. "I'll go back down once you get in bed." Thank god there was at least something working in my filter cause I'm pretty sure Edward saying "get into bed " had conjured more than one thought in my drunken-addled brain.

I shuffled into the bathroom and stripped down. It felt like it had taken an eternity to get changed, and apparently it had cause by the time I finished I was exhausted, and the room was spinning like the teacup ride at Disney and I had to sit down. I heard a knock at the door and looked up.

"Yeah" I said. Edward pushed the door inwards and laughed a little when he saw me sitting on the floor.

"I was starting to wonder if you had passed out in here." He said.

"Nah, I was just admiring the tiling. It's a pretty shade of blue." I replied running my hands of the flooring. Oh that felt good actually. The floor was nice and cool. Maybe if I just lay my head down here… I thought to myself.

"C'mon pretty lady." Edward said holding out his hand to me. "Time for bed." I reached out and Edward pulled me up. I had just enough time to mutter "oh god" or something like that and Edward must have understood the look on my face cause he propelled me around to face the toilet in less time than I could think.

I swear everything I had drank and everything I had eaten in the last two weeks came up. At least that's what it felt like. I have no idea how long I had sat there till I realized someone was holding my hair back. Edward. Oh shit on a Popsicle stick.

I was puking my brains out in front of Edward.

I came back to the present with a horrible memory. I had thrown up on Edward last night. At least I think I had. I remember something about him asking me to talk to him while I was trying to leave the bar. And I threw up on his shoes. Yep. I had thrown up on him.

Seriously, I should just make myself a t-shirt that says "natural disaster" and call it a day.

I had gotten up to refill my coffee when I heard a noise from my living room that made me jump. I swear it sounded like a cough. Turning my head slowly to face the open living room I locked eyes with Edward.

Who had apparently been asleep on my couch the whole id been sitting in the kitchen. He rubbed his eyes sleepily and turned his head in my direction.

He cleared his throat and then asked, "Can I have a cup of that?", nodding towards the coffee maker.

And of course my gift for verbal-vomit reared its ugly head.

"What the hell are you doing here?"


End file.
